Pondering Questions…

Questions To Ponder

Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn’t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

Why are they called buildings, when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?

Why are they called apartments, when they’re all stuck together?

Why do banks charge you a “non-sufficient funds fee” on money they already know you don’t have?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!!

Why are there 5 syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t grow in it?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Isn’t Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Top 5 movies

[size=medium][color=0000FF][font=Impact]Weekend Box Office AUG 9-10-11[/font][/color][/size]

#1 = XXX = $46 mill
#2 = Signs = $30 mill ($118.3 total)
#3 = Spy kids 2 = $17 mill [$25.3 mill since WED]
#4 = Goldmember = $13.1 mill ($167.8 total)
#5 = Blood work = $7.2 mill

It will be interesting to see what the current
#1 does next weekend..

elevator

Ever been bored in an elevator?

If the answer is yes here are somethings to do:

Make race car noises whenever someone gets on or off the elevator.

Whistle the first seven notes of “Its a Small World” incessantly.

On a long elevator ride, sway side to side at the normal frequence of the elevator.

Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside whisper loud enough for others to hear, “Hope the police don’t find this.”

Offer name tags to everyone on the elevator…where yours upside down.

Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

When arriving at a floor, grunt and strain to open the door, then act embarrassed when they open themselves.

Greet everyone that gets on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

Bet the other passengers taht you can fit a quater in your nose.

Stare, grinning at the other passengers for awhile, then anounce, “I have new socks on.”

Burp…then say, “mmmmm…tasty”

Say, “Ding!” at each floor.

Stare at your thumb and say, “I think it is getting larger.”

Take a bite of a sandwich and ask other passengers: “Wanna see wha in muh mouf?”

Pull out your gum in long strings

Wear x-ray googles and stare that the other passengers grinning.

****Sadly enough my friends and I actually walk into elevators and do not bother to turn and face the door. It freaks people out when you stand facing them or when the doors open and the first thing they see is your butt….

Blue Crush

This movie comes out on the 15 and I do not hold up much hope for it. My friends are all excited to see it, which translates into me being dragged to see it. Does anyone have any opinion to share? I know that all you DC people get to see the movies like two weeks before they come out here…

Strange Language

English is a strange language:

We polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
A farm can produce produce
The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.
The soldier decided to desert in the dessert.
The present is a good time to present the present.
At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
The dove dove into the bushes.
I do not object to the object.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
The insurance for the invalid was invalid.
There was a row among the oarsmen in the third row about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
To help with plantin, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw became number.
I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
I had to subject the subject to a series of test.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt…

What Is It ???

Hope you guys haven’t already seen this one…

Schwartzenegger has a big one.
Micheal J Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn’t have one.
The Pope has one but doesn’t use his
Clinton uses his all the time.
Mickey Mouse has a unusual one.
George Burns’ was hot.
Liberace never used his in a woman.
Jerry Seinfield is very, very proud of his.
We never saw Lucy use Desi’s.

WHAT IS IT????
Answer below…
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Answer: “LAST NAME”

You all got it right didn’t you 😉

Interesting but useless facts

Useless facts:

In 1984, a Canadian farmer began renting advertising space on his cows.

There are more donut shops in Canada per capita than any other country.

0.3% of all road accidents in Canada involve a Moose.

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

The town of Calma, Chile in the Atacama Desert has never had rain.

A single sausage measuring 5,917 feet (1,804 m) in length was cooked in Barcelona, Spain on September 22, 1986.

There is a church in Spain that allows worshippers to make donations via a credit card terminal.

The Eiffel tower in France varies in height depending on the temperature, Sometimes by as much as six inches.

A national campaign against swearing has started in Holland. Railway stations have started to display signs that say, “Missed your train? Cursing doesn’t help!”

When we think of Big Ben in London, we think of the clock. Actually, it’s the bell.

In ancient Scotland, every leap year maidens were allowed to ask a man to be her husband, refusal cost him a pound.

Until 1997, there were more pigs than people in Denmark.

Until 1965, driving in Sweden was done on the left-hand side of the road. The conversion was done on a weekday at 5:00 p.m. This was supposed to prevent people from waking up in the morning and forgetting which side of the road to drive on.

Unreasonable Ban?

This little write up was in a newspaper. I found it amusing and thought you might too…

The mayor of a French Mediterranean town, faced with a cemetery “full to bursting”, has banned local residents from dying until he can find somewhere else to bury them. He introduced the ban after a court rejected his plans to build a new cemetery by the sea.

The Truth about Everything Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Nicole ran all the way to the royal stables. Perhaps she could reach Auguste there. She needed to speak with him. She had missed him while he was gone and she wanted to tell him so. She had softened in her attitude towards him and was anxious to hear anything he might have to say.

“Auguste?� she called into the darkness, but the only answer that was returned was the whinny of one the King’s stallions.

“Auguste?� she called again, not knowing why. This time there was no sound at all.

She turned around and headed for the door, her head down, a little disappointed. Where could he have disappeared to so quickly?

She stepped out into the light. Of course, she thought, he came to see how the King was, not to see you.

On her way towards the castle courtyard, Nicole caught sight of a man speaking to two guards at the gatepost. As she approached however, the two men facing her way stopped and looked up. The man speaking to them turned to face her.

“Nicole?� he asked, a little confused. “Nicole de Lancret?�

Nicole squinted into the sun. She put her hand up to shield her eyes from it. Yet, she did not recognize the man who had spoken to her.

“Yes, that is my name. And may I ask who you are?�

“My name is of no importance right now, milady, but come and follow me. I have been asking these men if they have seen you this morning. I was told I could find you in the north tower. Pray, what are you doing out here?�

“I was looking for someone,� Nicole said, “I thought I saw him this morning from the north tower, but, alas, I see that I have been wrong.�

“I do not believe so, milady,� another voice called. The sun again blinded Nicole. She could not see with whom she had been speaking, but she had recognized the voice.

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