American Idol and Mariah Carey a match made in Hell


Ok it’s about 8:34, I’m going to let me DVR go for another 15 minutes before I start tonight’s train wreck that will be American Idol. It’s Mariah Carey night tonight and one of the truisms of Idol has always been, don’t do Mariah, Whitney or Celine. But tonight Mariah has fallen so low that she’s reduced to plastering on that half smile of hers and praise these people? “Oh, David has an amazing voice, I think he showed a lot of emotion.” Bleck. You’re Mariah Carey, why the heck are you debasing yourself to be on American’s Karaoke? Maybe tonight I’ll finally see what’s going on with the mystery side of her face. Luckily it’s only an hour installment tonight so I should be able to do this in about 30 minutes. Now I can go and play some Super Mario Galaxy, check out the new PS3 Store, watch Keith Olbermann or I can ramble for 15 minutes. What to do, what to do. That Olbermann is so funny…

It’s time for the show. Let’s see how much name dropping Randy will do tonight. I think Mariah is one of his peoples. Ah, they showed a clip of Randy playing with Mariah. He just said he’s looking for these people to be original and show who they are. Hello, McFly, they are doing someone else’s well known songs. Of course they are going to be compared and will fail. I still say it was pretty crappy of them to send someone home last week when the theme was charity and inspirational. But then, I guess that’s just me. Who will the first guinea pig be.

The one I can’t stand, David A. He’s doing When You Believe. “I’m really proud of him,” gag… He’s awful. But tonight I’m going to try not to fast forward over anyone. But god, this is boring, passionless, he’s not connecting with the material at all. In the middle portion he’s hitting the notes, but that’s about it. Judges will go gaga. Because David can do no wrong. I’m so sick of these judges going gaga and blatantly pushing this crappy kid.

It’s time for Carly Smithson who I run hot and cold on. She’s horrible, I can’t even tell what she’s singing. Oh it’s a horrible elevator version of Can’t Live Without You. Ok, she hit the high spot so she’s alright. As Randy would say, started off rough but she worked it out. The judges are always hard on her, let’s see what they say. Randy agrees with me. Paula actually sounded lucid. Simon just hates this woman. Thought she was over thinking it and his comments were exactly what I meant.

Syesha Mercado is doing Vanishing. I own all of Mariah’s CDs and don’t recognize this song at all. She’s solid so far, looks great. But the song and performance is incredibly boring and safe. But she’s singing with passion which is more than the other two. The Judges should love this. Randy liked it. Jesus, how much is Paula going to kiss up to Mariah tonight? But she’s actually lucid. Simon thought it was technically very, very good, but then said she ran the risk of picking a song people don’t know? What kind of criticism is that?

It’s my girl Brooke White. Hey, she’s being bold and going for one of Mariah’s biggins. Hero. I’m digging this performance. She’s understated but connecting with the song and is going the stripped down route without trying to mimic Mariah’s vocals on this. It’s hot, the best of the night. This is the first performance of the night that I could actually picture playing on the radio. Randy thought it was pretty good. Paula thought the unplugged version was good. She’s did I mention she’s lucid tonight. Wow, Simon hates Brooke. Calling it a “the only choice she had,” and his Simonism of the night “It was like ordering a hamburger and only getting the bun.” This is the same man that thinks David can do no wrong, so his opinions this year are a little suspect.

Now it’s fake Country Gal, Kristy Lee Cooke. She’s doing Forever. The beginning is terrible. She’s good on the chorus, but the low notes are rough. But where’s the twang in her voice from the last few weeks? All of these songs have weird arrangements, it’s like intro, chorus, and get out. Randy thought it was alright. Simon said she didn’t give him chills and said it was a bit whiny. It’s a whiny song Simon.

Next is pretentious boy, David Cook. He’s going to do Always Be My Baby. He goes to the Billie Jean Well Again, by taking an up tempo song and turning it slow. And it’s not working. It’s coming across as pretentious and just weird. But the bridge and chorus is hot, baby. HOT. Loved the middle portion of the song, but he’s kind of unlikable trying to be the “serious” artist. Randy loved it, went crazy and “stood up.” Paula said that song could be on a movie soundtrack tomorrow. Way to shoot for the moon, Paula. Simon said it was like coming out of Karaoke Hell and into a Breath of Fresh Air. I did something I never do, went back and replayed it and it was hot.

The only person left is little guitar boy, Jason Castro. He has a tough act to follow. Here’s your killer judge panel – Simon and Chef Ramsey, I need to start watching Hell’s Kitchen, I watched a few years ago but never went back, but I digress. It’s time for Jason Castro, closing the show with him after that high octane performance by Cook isn’t fair. And there’s no way Castro can do Mariah, so he’s going to have to do something completely original to survive this week. He’s going to do I Don’t Want To Cry a boring, whiny song that I always skip over. Jason looks great tonight. He’s trying to go for a power vocal tonight and I’m not sure if it’s working. It sounds like he’s trying too hard, instead of his previous laid back performances. Randy didn’t like it. Thought he was a weird beach louow. Paula loved it. Simon loved it, didn’t like the vocals but thought he stayed true to himself.

Overall it wasn’t the complete train wreck that I expected it to be. I think David A and Carly were the worst of the night and that’s not because of my irrational hatred of David, he technically hits the notes but he has a weird man voice, he reminds me of the Chocolate Rain kid. But he lacks any emotion when he sings, it’s bland as heck. The clear best of the night was David Cook and I really liked Brook White. Fake Country Gal, Kristy (where was her twang?) is starting to grow on me. I think Carly or Syesha are going home this week. Did I mention Paula was lucid tonight?