Ah, it’s another week of the train wreck that is American Idol. Tonight’s two hour installment features the top 12 doing Karaoke to the Beatles. The night begins with S’yesha Mercado – hey a black woman is in this contest, who knew? In the past several weeks I turned it off 3 or 4 blonds in. She does an ok version of Got To Get You Into My Life. Randulla thought it started pitchy but worked it out, while Simon liked it more. I thought it was ok for a Karaoke performance.
Next up we get the Chickezie guy, hey are they front loading all the black people this week? He does some weird ass blue-grass Beatles song that I’ve never heard and it just looks and sounds weird as hell. A fat black guy doing hillbilly stuff. It’s not working for me. But I’m sure the judges will love the “bravery” of the choice. But it sucks, what was he thinking? Up, Randulla LOVED it Paula actually seems to be lucid tonight. Simon loved it.
Ah it’s minority night on Idol, now we have some Philipeno chick, Ramiele Malubay, it’s a boring song that I’ve never heard. Forever In My Life? I’m fast forwarding to the judges. She’s boring. Randy agrees with me, I really hate Paula’s comments, she adds nothing. “The whole world needs to see what we hear.” Simon slammed her calling the performance boring as hell (my words.) I feel good knowing I fast forwarded over it.
It’s now time for Jason Castro the weird looking guy with the guitar and dreadlocks. I guess he’s going to do folk music. I will say I did like his performance last week. Ah, he has the Guitar again doing “If I fail.” And ten seconds into this, he did. I’m fast forwarding over another boring performance. Randy was bored, Paula felt his heart, Simon said “It’s student in a bedroom at midnight.” Don’t know what that means.
For some reason I just hate this Carly Smithson person with her stupid tatoos and Irish accent. Maybe it’s because she’s a professional – one of the many in this year’s top 12, who had her shot and failed. She’s doing a bad version of Come Together. Um, no. She does have an ok voice, but this song just isn’t working for her. It’s a bad choice. I’m waiting for one of these clowns to butcher Let It Be. It’s going to happen, oh yes. My money is on that goofy kid, David to do it. All the judges loved it and praised the heck out of old Carly.
Ok, I’m an hour into this, and I really want to turn it off and stop this report, but I’m going to suffer through at least two more performances. Who is next?
Ah, the funny hair guy David Cook. Does David Cook. It’s pretty amazing how some of these people are getting so much extra help in production values. I mean why does he get the reverb treatment, the fancy lighting scheme and great star treatment camera work. The poor boy is trying hard, but he just sucks monkey balls. He’s butchering Eleanor Rigby and trying too hard to be like Daughtry. Judges of course loved him. I really didn’t notice in the past years if the judges were trying to direct the outcome of the voting, but this year it’s just blatent and getting ridiculous.
Auchie didn’t do Let It Be, it’s Brooke White. She’s sitting down at the Piano and I have to say, this is the best performance of the night. But then Let It Be is my favorite Beatles song that I myself play on the Piano all the time. She’s killing it (in a good way). Yeah, I’m digging her at the moment. Randulla said “America could feel your heart.” Simon agreed with me that it was one of the best performances of the night.
It’s the booger picker, stripper David Hernandez doing a terrible version of I saw her standing there. I’m fast forward over this loser. Randy was lost and said it was too much. Paula agreed. Simon thought it was corny bordering on desperate. I’m wondering if the judges would have been this harsh if it wasn’t for the stripping scandal. But he really was awful.
Ooh, it’s the fake wanna be Pat B.(yes, I butchered her name). Amanda Overmyer has an OK voice, but the rocker chick routine feels forced and she doesn’t have enough power. She gets drowned out by the band week after week. She’s doing You Can’t Do That. It’s a lame, boring and safe song choice. I think the contestants are probably smart in staying away from the well known Beatles tracks. But it makes for pretty lame performances. Judges loved it. Paula says it’s the best season of talent. Simon says it sounded like she slurred the words. But he finds her a breath of fresh air.
Michael Johns does Across The Universe. I don’t know, he’s in tune, but it’s a boring performance. And sounds like one of those cruise ship singers that Simon always goes on about. Randy said it was a little sleepy. Paula disagreed and thought it was brilliant. Simon agreed with Randy.
It’s the horse woman and I’m so sick of hearing about Kristy Lee Cook and her goddamn horse. She turns Eight Days A Week into a country song. It’s terrible, but I’m sure the judges will love the chance she took. 30 Seconds in, I’ve had enough. God, Tivo is great! Wow, the judges hated it, Simon said it was like Dolly Parton on helium. It’s funny because the judges have been telling her for weeks to go country and now slam her for it.
Wow, it’s so painfully obvious that the banter between Simon and Ryan is scripted, it’s painful to watch. Speaking of painful, I just HATE, HATE, HATE this David Archuletter kid. He is destroying We Can Work it Out. This kid is just one note, he can only sing slow torch songs – without any emotion or passion. But wow, this is awful. But I’m sure the judges will LOVE it. Let’s fast forward and see. Wow, Randy tells it like it is and says it didn’t work. Even Paula says it sucks but he’s still going to win this competition. Simon said it was a mess and he messed up the lyrics. Again, this is another contestant who took the judges advice and messed up.
Gone this week will be –
Ramiele and Kristy. I would say David would be a definite (instead of Kristy) but I think the Stripper controversy may buy him a week. But there were so many bad performances tonight. I would love to see the goofy kid get kicked off, but that’s not going to happen.
I love the Beatles and last night was a wreck. Brooke White was definitely the best that stayed in line with the Beatles. Jequeezie’s was creative and okay, but not how it should have ben done.
Heh, if you thought last week was bad, I wonder what you made of last night’s craposity. If Randy thinks that “cooliosis” can be a word, then my crap+monstrosity hybrid surely can as well.