Worst Personal Ads 2
Emotional invalid needs committed caretaker. Must be able to put up with violent mood swings with ease and aplomb. No whiners.
Hunka-hunka burning love. If you’ve got the fire, I’ve got the hose. Seeking a workbench to park my tool. Looks not important, but must be disease-free. Quadrupeds, mutes welcome.
42 year old male living at home with parents. Interests include waking up around 1pm and watching tv in my underwear. My curfew is 11pm., but I can call if I’m going to be later. Please, no phone calls past 9pm., or my mom will get mad.
Road-kill collector in search of a companion who enjoys exotic pet animals like tigers and anacondas. Must be lazy and unwilling to compromise.
Single, white, affluent male starting a savage cult, orders submissive, obedient followers to worship and praise my every move. No shirt, no shoes, no service.
Greedy, selfish female who can’t save a penny looking for anyone with money so that I can spend it. Appearances are not a major factor as long as your wallet is full. Must provide transportation so that I can shop freely and alone.
Former Catholic male, now Protestant female, seeks handicapped (preferably blind) male companion to gorge on peanut butter and mac-and-cheese sandwiches. Please call between 2 and 5am.
Enjoy spending time with dominating women who will whip me into shape. You bring the whips; I’ll bring the chains. Batteries not included.
Male immigrant whose visa is about to expire in search of love at first sight. You must be ready for an immediate marriage based on love and trust — or at least be willing to testify that it is.
Cross-dressing male shopping for plus sized woman to share wardrobe and life. Haute couture only, please. Dress size 18, shoe size 12.
Female telemarketer ISO phone relationship with man. Marital status unimportant since we’ll never meet. Must be available for calls during the dinner hour.
Farmer looking for wife with tractor. If interested, please send photo of tractor.