I’m sure most of these have to be made up…
They don’t call me Cork Screw for nothing. Male thrill-seeker ISO female for some roller coaster PDA. Make headlines and possible LTR!
Starving painter desires lonely, rich woman as patron. Must put up with my emotional instability and frequent trysts with nubile figure models.
Do you have six toes or another pedal anomaly? Is so, I want you! Other deformities — however attractive — need not apply.
Long-distance truck-driver dad searching for pretty, sexy lady to share my exciting family with five kids. Most love to cook, clean, do algebra, referee. Sterile gals only.
A good man is hard to find… so I’ll take a bad one. Desperate woman with biological time bomb needs husband pronto! Call now!
Petite mountaineeress seeks tall female for climbing. If you’re under 6 feet tall, averse to ropes, or wary of long expeditions, don’t apply.
Curious carpenter needs experienced subcontractor for discreet tongue-and-groove work. High quality craftsmen only, please.
If you are a blind woman, then I’m a tall, dark, handsome man who likes to work out and read Shakespeare. Must be able to prove you have lack of sight before we meet.
Homeless, jobless, toothless, smelly bum with no future seeks companion to leech off, and to sit with by the garbage-can fires in the alley at night. The stars always look better sitting next to a friend and a rotten banana peel.
You have brown hair and green eyes, with a mole on your left cheek. I watch you from behind the bushes with my binoculars. Don’t bother to respond; I already know where you live.
Mama’s boy, dependent on parents for income, is looking for a female who is family-oriented and wouldn’t mind having my mom chaperone. No dog lovers please.
Fast and furious looking to take single female for a ride. 1970 SWM with low mileage, newly remodeled exterior (including posterior), sandy beige color, stick shift included. Seats two comfortably. $50 or best offer. Call ahead for test drive.
My hobbies include drooling, screaming in a silent library, smelling strangers’ armpits in an elevator, and eating heads of cabbage. Seeking someone who belches uncontrollably, has halitosis, and is willing to drive me to Mexico.
I’m new to cannibalism and willing to sacrifice two remaining toes and at least one arm. You must have large, meaty breasts.
Gay football fan seeks same for weekend tailgating. Some travel required. Must be willing to dress up as team mascot for games and in bed.
Lois Lane looking for my Superman. Must wear tight red spandex pants and prance around in a cape with a big “S” on the back, saving the lives of Metropolis citizens. Clark Kent need not apply.
You will like me, dammit! And you will enjoy our date! When I call you the next day, you better answer! And you better not call the cops like the last guy did!
Twenty-two year old male shut-in seeks Xena. Must be tall, in great shape, and have own leather bustier. The more you can slap me around the better.
To be or not to be. Actor from famous theatrical family auditioning sexy partners. Must love hearing soliloquies and references to obscure Restoration comedies.