Here’s another…
Weird
Having a smoking section in a restaurant is a little like having a peeing section in a pool.
Robin: Holy Kleenex, Batman! It was right under our nose and we blew it!
Paul’s Law: You can’t fall off the floor.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance.
Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
“Bother,” said Pooh as the brakes went out.
Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend’s forehead.
In case of emergency, break glass. Scream. Bleed to death.
Alone: In bad company.
If ever you should need my life, come and take it.
Razors pain you. Rivers are damp. Acids stain you and drugs cause cramp. Guns aren’t lawful; nooses give. Gas smells awful; you might as well live.
When I die, I want to go like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like all the passengers in his car.
If I had some ham, I could have some ham and eggs, if I had some eggs.
For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
I love cats. They taste like chicken.
Out of my mind, …be back in five minutes.
If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
The trick to flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Be alert – the world needs more lerts.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they’re going to be when you kill them.
You can lead a horse to water, but, a pencil must be lead.
If you can’t beat em’, arrange to have them beaten.
-e-i-e-i-o is actually a gross misspelling of the word “farm.”
George Washington’s brother was the uncle of our country.
I can see clearly now, the brain is gone…
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.