If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert in Nuclear Fission at age 22.
The more a man and a woman hate each other, the more likely they will fall in love.
Having a job of any kind will make father’s forget their son’s eighth birthday.
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
Guns are like disposable razors – if you run out of bullets just throw the gun away.You can always buy a new one.
During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick’s Day parade – at any time of the year.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
It’s easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off – even while scuba diving.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
You’re very unlikely to survive any battle in any war if you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor’s first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
All single women have a cat.
A man who will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
When paying for a taxi, it is not necessary to look at your wallet as you take out a bill just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
Large loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people – whether they are employed or not.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises while wearing their most revealing underwear.
Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.
The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective – or give him 48 hours to finish the job. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If a killer is lurking in you house, it’s easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath – even if it’s the middle of the afternoon – then look in your bathroom mirror and he will suddenly appear behind you.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
When confronted by an evil international terrorist, sarcasm and wisecracks are your best weapons.
One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them than 20 men firing at 1 man.
Creepy music coming from a cemetery should always be investigated more closely.
A gang of highly-trained terrorists will always separate and search for an intruder on their own – so they can be killed one by one.
Megalomaniacs intent on world domination won’t be able to resist telling their arch nemesis every detail of their evil plans.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
If you think there is an intruder in your house, your cat will choose the precise moment to leap out at you from inside a cupboard.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
If there is a deranged killer on the loose this will also coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds — unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.