got this in the email this morning enjoy
> Southern Humor
>
> >: A letter from Santa> Southern Humor
>
>
> >: A letter from Santa
> >Date: Sun, 1 Dec 2002 21:05:54 -0600
> >
> > To: All Concerned
> >
> > From: Santa Claus
> >
> > I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer
> >serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South
> >Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.
> >
> > Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract
> >was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part
> >of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and
> >cookies so keep that in mind. However, I’m certain that your children
> >will be in good hands with your replacement, who happens to be my third
> >cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He
> >shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls;
> >however, there are a few differences between us. Differences such as:
> >
> > 1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from
> >Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that
> >reads: These toys insured by Smith and Wesson.”
> >
> > 2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children
> >leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And
> >Bubba doesn’t smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please
> >have an empty spit can handy.
> >
> > 3. Bubba Claus’ sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin’ coon dogs
> >instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my
> >reindeer one time, and Blitzen’s head now overlooks Bubba’s fireplace.
> >
> > 4. You won’t hear “On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen..” when
> >Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you’ll hear, “On Earnhardt, on Andretti,
> >on Elliott and Petty.”
> >
> > 5. “Ho, Ho, Ho!” has been replaced by “Yee Haw!” And you also are
> >likely to hear Bubba’s elves respond, “I her’d dat!”
> >
> > 6 As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus’ sleigh does have
> >a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words “Back Off.”
> >
> > 7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as “Miracle on 34th Street”
> >and “It’s a Wonderful Life” will not be shown in your negotiated viewing
> >area. Instead, you’ll see “Boss Hogg Saves Christmas” and “Smokey and
> >the Bandit IV” featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of
> >state patrol cars crashing into each other.
> >
> > And Finally,
> >
> > 8. Bubba Claus doesn’t wear a belt. If I were you, I’d make sure you,
> >the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put
> >presents under the tree.
> >
> > Sincerely Yours,
> > Santa Claus
>