PROPOSED FDA ALCOHOL WARNING LABELS

Hmmm…. do you think any of these would work… 😛

PROPOSED FDA ALCOHOL WARNING LABELS

**WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

**WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

**WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

**WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to strangle you.

**WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

**WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that your ex is really dying for you to call them at 4:00 in the morning.

**WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the heck happened to your pants.

**WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause serious rug burns on the forehead and chin area.

**WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really big guy named Bubba.

**WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

**WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause a flux in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to disappear.

**WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may result in pregnancy.

Moods of a Woman…

This came thru as an e-mail today that I thought was amusing and may interest you….and tho you may think it chauvenistic at first, please read to the end….

MOODS OF A WOMAN

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,
She’s afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house.

She’ll take him for better, she’ll take him for worse
She’ll break open his head and then be his nurse
But when he’s well and can get out of bed
She’ll pick up the tea-pot and aim for his head.

Beautiful and keenly sighted, yet blind,
Crafty and cruel, yet simple and kind
She’ll call him a king, then make him a clown,
Raise him on a pedestal, then knock him flat down.

She’ll inspire him to deeds that ennoble man,
Or make him her lackey to carry her fan.
She’ll run away from him and never come back
But if he runs away, then she’ll be on his tracks.

Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She’ll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
She’ll win you in range, enchant you in silk,
She’ll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk.

At times she’ll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She’ll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.

MOODS OF A MAN
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HORNY.

Vin Diesel: This Man Is HOT!!!

I’ve been looking at trailers of the new movie “XXX” then I looked at several websites of Vin Diesel. This man is HOT!! Just too HOT!! He got the looks and the body!! He is just, Ohhhhhhhh. I can’t think of the right word now!!
He’s voice is soooooooooooooo sensual and smooth!!!!!!!!!!! My goodness!!
(I’m going overboard about Vin?)
Now, I don’t usually go on this way about any man. I’m not one of those women who are man crazy or anything like that. Although; my sister thinks that I’m hung up on the height of men. Short men (Under 6′) don’t do anything for me (being 5′ 7 1/2″). Vin is tall with the body to go with.
On the negitive side though, he is NOT worth 20 million a picture! He has the looks, height and the voice but he is not up there yet. His acting needs some improvements. Well, it doesn’t matter too much these days. Anyone who looks good on camera can become an actor!
Somebody tell me that I’m wrong about this guy or whatever. Maybe he is not all that??
Vin Diesel is suppose to be on Jay Leno on Monday and on Craig Kilborn on Tuesday or Wednesday. Check your local listing! I’ll have to set my VCR to catch his interview.

Newspaper….

[b]FOR SALE:[/b]

TURKEY – Partially eaten. Only eighth days old. Drumsticks still intact. $23.00

USED TOMBSTONE – Perfect for someone named Homer Hendel Bergen Heinzel. One only.

USED TOLIET PAPER – Wide selection of brands and designs. Call for details and prices.

FULL SIZE MATTRESS – Royal Tonic, 20 year warranty. Like New. Slight urine smell. $40.00

DENTURES – One pair. Hardly used. Only two teeth missing. $100.00

ZAP – Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

SHEER STOCKINGS – Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

[b]ATTENTION[/b]

HOUSEWIVES IN WARREN COUNTY OR THE STATE OF OHIO – If your husband or varmint you live with has bragged about getting a FREE Christmas tree – It may be STOLEN!

DOGS – If you are chased by a dog when walking, jogging, or bicycling, stop, turn toward the dog, point, and firmly say, “NO!” or “Go Home!” Repeat as needed.
This is effective even for dogs who do not speak English.

TIPS TO AVOID ALLIGATOR ATTACKS: Don’t swim in waters inhabited by large alligators.

PARIS – If you think you’ve seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.

[b]WANTED:[/b]

Somebody to go back in time with me. This is not a joke. You’ll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once before. Oakview, Calif.

HAVE VIAGRA – Need woman. Any women between 18 and 80. Boise, ID.

RESIDENT EVIL SUPER DUPER GIVEAWAY!!!!!

This Contest Is Closed Hey Everyone, it’s another week so that means another exciting promotion. Courtesy of our friends at Columbia Home Video we have a bunch of cool swag to give away, including a ton Resident Evil Soundtracks, Resident Evil Soundtrack Posters, Resident Evil Movie and DVD Posters, and a bunch of mystery DVDs. A couple of winners will receive the “”RE Prize Pack”” which consists of one of everything listed above including THREE mystery DVDs from Columbia Pictures. To qualify to win, simply read the synopsis below and follow the painfully simple contest rules.

Remember RE is an EMTV Favorite and one of the only films the entire year to receive straight “”As”” from all the co-host.Read the EM DVD Review A secret experiment

Leonardo da Vinci

I know several people on this forum really like Leonardo and I found this site while I was surfing that lets you write a phrase and then they show you what it would have looked like if Leo had written it with his famous right to left script…. I couldn’t “borrow� what I wrote and post it, but I thought some of you might find it interesting to see what you write would look like….

Here’s the link:

[url=http://www.mos.org/sln/Leonardo/write.html]WRITE LIKE LEO[/url]

More Odd Articles

The newest short articles in the ‘odd spot’ section of my newspaper. I thought some of them you might find interesting…

More Odd Articles

Seventy Mexico City police officers will be fighting crime in sombreros and traditional mariachi suits from November 1, in a bid to attract more tourists.

The First Viennese Vegetable Orchestra, which consists of eight musicians, one sound technician and a cook, goes on its debut European tour next week. The orchestra’s vegetable-based instruments include a carrot flute and a cucumberophone.

Japanese engineers have developed a high- tech doghouse that dampens barking and howling sounds and can be equipped with a camera to allow dog owners to watch their beloved pets on their mobile phones while away.

The name of a traditional pudding is to be changed back to Spotted Dick from Spotted Richard on a British hospital’s menu after it was decided patients would not be too embarrassed to ask for it.

Entertainment News for The Rest of Us