Michelle’s Very Long, Rambling, Blow by Blow of The Grammy Awards!!

It’s time for the annual right of passage called Michelle is getting old and turning into her mother, AKA Grammy Awards night. Generally speaking I hate all award shows, but my Tivo makes them bearable. Let’s start with my old fogginess; I have no idea who half the people nominated and performing tonight are – so I will get the names of these songs wrong. Let me say I don’t like Taylor Swift – well don’t like is a strong word, I think she’s incredibly over exposed and I find her music to be bland and boring. Which probably explains why Sony thought it’d be a good idea to have her perform at their CES Press Conference.

The show opens with a performance by Lady GaGa, she puts on a spectacle but has absolutely no stage presence. Her performance is saved by an appearance by the Great One, Sir Elton John. Even after all of these years, he’s still cool. I don’t know what the name of this song is because I don’t like Lady GaGa – they did work in a nifty rift/mashup of Elton’s “Your Song,” and a Lady GaGa tune. Grade – Lady GaGa gets a F, but Elton and Lady GaGa Gets a Solid A

After this performance, Steven Colbert comes out and he’s terrible, trying to work his daughter into his bit – it’s not cute or funny having your bratty kids be part of your act it looks desperate. He whips out an iPad to read the nominations for Song of the Year. I’m sorry but the iPad is just an ugly, big, bulky, stupid device. When he held it up the stupid screen wouldn’t stop rotating – it drives me batty when my iPhone screen won’t stay still.

What happened to JLo? She looks gorgeous as she introduces Green Day and the Cast from their upcoming Broadway Show American Idiots. You know, Purple Rain would make an awesome Broadway Production. I’ve never been a fan of Green Day, but they do an amazing version of 21 Guns Together. I want to see this show now. Grade A

Taylor Swift just won for best Country Album. I thought she was a Pop singer?? She wins and I’m going from ambivalent about her to really, strongly disliking her. The guy from The Mentalist introduces Beyonce who has 10 nominations tonight. I’ll admit it; I never heard the song Put A Ring On It until Glee. But I love it. Unlike Lady GaGa, Beyonce just has it going on. She does “If I was a Boy,” mashes it up incredibly badly with Alanis M’s “You Oughto Know.” Beyonce has a perfect life she should not be singing Angry songs! It was an awesome performance until the weird mashup. Grade – Would have gotten an A but the Mashup brings it down to a B

Seal introduces Pink. I love Pink; she’s always interesting and unpredictable. I don’t know the song she’s singing, it’s a slow jam but she’s working it, no theatrics, or a million people on stage, it’s just her for most of the song, then she goes all Cirque Du Soleil on us. Grade A

The Zac Brown Band wins Best New Artist. Miley Cyrus – who I like, is out to introduce The Black Eyed Peas. The very definition of sale outs, but I love me some Fergie and the B.E.P. rarely disappoint. They are singing some horrible song called Ima Be and of course I Got a Feeling (the only good song on that awful album). God this song is atrocious; I’m ready to skip over this performance. The transition to I Got A Feeling was awful and strange. Now they have guys dressed like these weird Robots. This performance is wretched and all over the place. Not even Fergie can save it. Grade F

I watched The Jonas Brothers 3D Concert film over the summer, so now I’m on the bandwagon. They are out introducing some group called Lady Isabella (?) singing “Need You Now.” I never heard of this woman but I like this song. It’s a classy little country tune. Grade B

So far I like the pacing of tonight’s show and the lack of a host is refreshing. I was a little worried when Colbert came up, but I like this idea of award shows that don’t spend so much time on the hosts. Nora Jones and Ringo Starr are out to present the Lifetime Achievement award to Bobby Darin. Ringo makes some weird comment about Nora winning the award twice already. Really? How can she win this award twice? They then present the Record of the Year to Kings of Leon.

Robert Downy, Jr. gives one of the weirdest intros I’ve ever seen on a Grammy show. It’s funny as heck and turns out to be Jamie Foxx. Gotta give it up, great entrance! The audience doesn’t seem to know what to make of this performance. It’s a dumb voice box song but Jamie is just cool. Wow, Keith Sweat, Slash, TPain, some woman. Have I ever mentioned I saw him going into a Gym at the Cinerama Dome in LA? Loved the Stage Craft and Performance, but it’s a bad song. Don’t know what to grade it. Grade B-

Katy Perry and Alice Cooper present the Best Grammy Rock Album to Green Day – don’t they win this award every freaking year?? I’ll never get the Green Day thing. Chris O’Donald introduces The Zac Brown Band. I’ve never heard of them. They are pretty good with America The Beautiful. I kind of like them. Ryan Seacrest introduces Taylor Swift. I’m skipping over her performance because I’m sick to death of her and that damn guitar. Grade B

Lional Ritchie is out for the Grammy’s Michael moment. Let me get out of bed and get my 3D Glasses. Singing “The Earth Song” are Usher, Jennifer Hudson, Celine Dion, Carey Underwood and Smokey! This should be interesting. This is why 3D will ALWAYS freaking suck! Are you kidding me? My Real 3D glasses aren’t working at all, but I had the paper ones from my Jonas Brothers 3D concert these are working perfectly fine the 3D is really good but the glasses are killing my eyes which is why I prefer the Real 3D ones. Really neat the way they worked in Michael’s vocals with the rest of the performance. I love Usher. Grade A

Strange, Prince and Paris Jackson come out onstage to accept the Michael’s Lifetime Grammy. In away it seems so sad, Michael spent a lot of time and got ridiculed for the lengths he went to keep his kids out of the spotlight now that he’s dead they are throwing them on stage. Wow, this is a pretty amazing moment.

The always classy Sheryl Crowe brings out Bon Jovi who will perform 3 songs “We Weren’t Born to Follow,” “Who Says You Can’t Go Home,” and a song voted on by the fans. John really is ageless; he looks the same as he did when they first came onto the scene. I’m not feeling the new tunes. The fans vote for Living on a Prayer. Grade C

Jayzee, Kanye and Rhianna when Best Rap Collaboration for Run This Town. Wyclef comes out and does an appeal for Haiti. Mary J. Blidge and two guys I don’t know do a song about Haiti. Actually it’s a weird but beautiful version of Bridge of Troubled Water. This is a really great cover; I’ll be buying this on iTunes. Grade A

Wendy Melvin’s father Neal Portnow the President of the Academy comes and talks about Grammy Business. I will always remember his spirited introduction of Prince and the Revolution way back when. Adam Sandler comes introduces The Dave Mathews Band. Another band whose popularity has always escaped me. Good, spirited performance of the song You and Me. Grade B

Glee’s Leah Michel and Ricky Martin (who looks really different) present the Best Female Vocal Performance award to Beyonce. L.L. Cool. J introduces Maxwell who does Pretty Wings. I love this song. Roberta Flack comes out for a duet on “Where is the Love. Grade B

Jeff Bridges introduces Jeff Beck who pays homage to the man who invented the electric guitar – Les Paul. The song is stupid, but it’s one of the first songs to feature the electric guitar so you have to give it props. Grade -C

Spastic and always high Quentin Tarantino is out to introduce Drake, Eminem and Little Wayne. This should be interesting. I hate Little Wayne, never heard of Drake, but it’s EM! Of course the Audio decides to take this moment to drop in and out. Ugh this Drake guy is another one of those lame voice box users. Grade D

John Legend and Carlos Santana give the final award for Album of the Year to Taylor Swift for Fearless- WTF? Where’s Kanye! Poor Lady GaGa, didn’t win anything. Overall the show was really good.

Overall Grade – A

EM TV Recap
By Michelle Alexandria