Is Santa an Alien?
It seems clear that “Santa” is given credit for deeds that are beyond the capabilites of mortal men. On Christmas Eve he supposedly visits every home in the world, dispensing a seemingly endless supply of gifts and consuming staggering amounts of cookies and milk. Moreover, he’s been sighted soaring through the skies in an aerodynamically unsound sleigh, outfitted with flying reindeer. His toys are produced in a hidden sweatshop located in the environs of the North Pole and, if the prevailing accounts are to be believed, are manufactured by diminutive men with genetically mutated ears. Finally, he is rumored to mastermind the world’s largest espionage network, maintaining a database of not only the names and addresses of every man, woman and child on the planet but further dividing the world’s population into those who have been “bad” and “good” during the prior twelve months. The criteria involved in distinguising the “bad” from the “good” are known only to “Santa,” and all decisions are final.
Cybernetic Santa: St. Nick is on the cutting edge of cybernetic technology.
Communist Conspiracy: Santa and his comrades represent a communist effort to undermine the moral fiber of our youth and the free enterprise of our commercial toy manufacturers.
Santa Clones: A collection of “regional” Santas can far more easily manage the production and delivery assignments, as well as provide a more “hands-on” approach to their respective constituencies.
Time Travel: A time-stopping and time-skipping device is the key to Santa’s multitude of capabilities.
Nano-Claus: The suit, the sleigh, Rudolph, Mrs. Claus–all are part of a cover-up to what’s really at work: a secret government experiment in nanotechnology.
Extraterrestrial Intervention: Santa’s an alien! That’s right. Santa is a little green guy, plain and simple.