Clash of the Titans has the Kraken to end all Krakens! Michelle’s Review!

I think Sam Worthington is living proof that there is a Devil and it’s possible to make a deal with him. It’s the only logical explanation that I have for his meteoric rise to become the king of the blockbuster. Someone please explain his appeal to me because it completely escapes me. I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen an actor be this bland, boring, wooden. At least Orlando Bloom tried and Keanu picks roles where it’s not required; Sam just stares vacantly at the camera. With that said, for most of Clash of the Titans Sam’s blandness doesn’t ruin the movie. No the bad story, bad direction, bad 3D all comes together bring something to the screen that’s so bad it becomes campy good fun.

I’m not even going to bother to try and distinguish the characters in this movie because other than Sam, Zeus (Liam Neeson), Hades (Ralph Fiennes), and Lo (Gemma Arterton) they were all interchangeable. I’ll admit I’ve never seen the original so I don’t have that to compare this movie to. So to do some circle jerk logic here – if God of War and Dante’s Inferno were made into a big budget Hollywood movie, this would be it. Almost note for note this story was “ripped off” from the God War Video game series which probably stole it’s story from the original Clash of the Titans, which is based on Greek Mythology – see, circle jerk logic. I think the guy who does the background voices from Dante’s Inferno is in this, every time he opens his mouth he says almost the same lines from that game word for word in the same cadence, the audio underdub is even the same, I laughed out loud every time the guy spoke. My friend kept looking at me like I was out of my mind.

Your tedious plot summary is this – Sam is Perseus the half human son of Zeus. The movie actually does a surprisingly good job in the first act of setting things in motion, we meet Perseus, watch him get adopted by a fisherman and his wife and watch him grow up. This part of the movie is anchored about as much reality as a film like this can be. Humans tired of putting up with the Gods’ crap start to Rebel. Hades uses this rebellion as an excuse to make the Humans fear him. Zeus hopes he can turn that fear into love. The main problem with the movie was Zeus was all over the place, one minute he unleashes Hades on his subjects because they no longer worship him (thus weakening his power), the next minute he’s trying to help Perseus (presumably because he is his son), the next he’s releasing the Kraken. He changed so often I got whiplash and he came across as a petulant child. Perseus spends most of the film saying he wants to complete his quest like a man, but the minute all his friends die he start using the sword of the Gods…

Director Louis Leterrier is competent enough, but there are just some ridiculous moments in this movie, any scene when they are on Olympus looks awful, the introduction of the Jini and their character design, there’s a truly ridiculous moment when one of the bad guy’s blood drippings somehow spawn these gigantic Scorpion beasts.  Don’t even get me started on the Medusa sequence. This is a movie that cries out for an Apple product to save the day.

The 3D in this movie is completely pointless, there’s no depth of field to 60% of this movie. It’s like watching one of those Imax fake 3D movies where in really small print it says “select” scenes are in 3D. Harry Potter in Imax 3D last year only showed the beginning 5 minutes in 3D I spent the rest of the movie getting a massive headache for nothing. This is what Clash was like (without the headache). Some of the scenes looked great, while others – most of the action set pieces were a blurry mess. Whatever conversion technique Hollywood is using to turn 2D films into 3D, they need to stop. It’s not working. I really do wish I saw the 2D version instead.

Almost the entire movie is based on the inevitable moment when the Kraken gets released and let tell you Releasing a Kraken – not good. This movie has the Kraken of all Krakens and I will say this moment did look good in 3D.  If you can shut your mind off, or except early on that this movie is just dumb, enjoy it for it’s over the top campiness – but definitely save your money and see it in 2D.  I’m at a loss as what to grade this, due to the Camp factor I had a perverse blast at this movie, but quality wise, just no.

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EM Review by
Michelle Alexandria
Originally Posted 04.02.2010

2 thoughts on “Clash of the Titans has the Kraken to end all Krakens! Michelle’s Review!”

  1. Lady I suggest you get your facts right before laughing at something. The man who voices Dante in Dante's Inferno is Graham McTavish, also seen as the lead merc in Rambo (2008).

    McTavish is NOT in this movie.

    1. How about learning reading comprehension before telling me to get my facts right? I said I didn’t know who the voice actor was and I believe I didn’t say it was Dante. It’s the background voice of the people suffering NOT Dante’s Voice.

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