The next stop on the American Idol train is Atlanta, Georgia, ya’ll. It’s Idol’s 5th time in HOT-lanta and in the past it has found great success there. Clay Aiken, Fantasia, and Jennifer Hudson all auditioned in Atlanta. Will the next Americal Idol come from the A-T-L? Only time will tell.
MINI-RECAP
*City: Atlanta
*Celebrity Judge: Mary J. Blige – a true Idol who gets better with age. (Love me some, Mary J).
*Number of Contestants: 10,000
*Name to Remember: BRIAN WALKER, the singing cop
*The One You Hope To Forget: KRISTIE MARIE, the non-singing TV Producer
*Most Heart Warming Story: VANESSA WOLFE, the country girl who dreams of a new life
*The Most Ticked Off Contestant: LAMAR ROYAL (“Mary J. Blige can’t sing a lick.”)
*Priceless Moment: “Cheap Dramatizations” of JESSY HAMILTON’s near death experiences
*Quote of the Night: Kara says, “We’ve got our own 411 for you. This shouldn’t be your career.” Simon: “I think it’s more like 911.”
FULL SHOW RECAP AFTER THE BREAK
DEWONE ROBINSON, 27, Atlanta, GA – I knew we were in trouble at the start of the show when Dewone said he was singing a song he wrote himself. Of course, I did not expect him to attempt to sing in falsetto. Notice that I said “attempt.” Simon stops the poor guy to ask the name of the song and then has him start all over again. Bad move, Simon. Poor, Mary J. has her head down laughing hysterically. Randy is just laughing. Simon says, “I have to say it’s one of the worst original songs I’ve ever heard.” After a little banter between the two, Simon has him sing the horrible song for the third time. Ugh. I guess this is the theme with every audition show now? Start with a bad singer.
Anyhow, it’s time for a COMMERCIAL BREAK and tease of some spectacular talent to come.
KEIA JOHNSON, 26, Memphis, TN — Bubbly personality. She won a Miss Congeniality award in a beauty competition so you can’t beat that. Her song? “The Titanic Song” a/k/a “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion. It’s the first time I have ever heard an R&B version of that song, but Keia blows it out. Mary J. says she made the song her own and that she did. Four YES votes and Keia is off to Hollywood.
That kicks off back-to-back greatness.
MIRIAM LEMNOUI, 25, Atlanta, GA – Sings “The Climb” by Miley Cyrus and flies above the competition with her powerhouse voice.
NOEL REESE, 16, Sophia, NC – Sings “I Have Nothing” by Whitney Houston and she definitely has something – an awesome voice.
TISHA HOLLAND, 18, Riverside, GA – Sings “Impossible” by Christina Aguilera and she makes it possible. Great vocal.
JERMAINE SELLERS, 26, Joliet, IL – We learn about Jermaine’s story. He’s a church singer and his mom has spina bifida. Yes, we now know the guy can sing before he ever utters a note. He sings “What If God Was One of Us” and his version of the song is nothing short of BRILLIANT. Randy says it’s the best vocal they have seen yet in all of the cities (which isn’t saying much since they’ve only been to Boston). In any case, Jermaine rocked it. Hollywood, baby.
More great contestants to come and one who’s a bit hot headed in HOT-lanta.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
KRISTIE MARIE , 25, Atlanta, GA — Kristie is a TV Producer and Host so I should naturally like (I’m a TV Producer too), but all I want to do is smack her. She is one these people who smiles non-stop and grates on your nerves and constantly promotes her show 411 something or another. She meets the judges and says, “I would love to sing for ya’ll, Pat Benatar’s ‘Love Is A Battlefield.’” Well bless her heart. Somethin’ tells me ya’ll that she’s gonna suck. (Editorial Note: I’m also Southern so I can make fun of my people). She opens her mouth and Mary J. has to fight herself to keep from laughing. Yep, Kristie Marie is bad, ya’ll. She sings like she’s acting in a bad after school special. With a big smile she says, “Singing is my life. Music is my passion.” Kristie, your life is about to end. Kara says, “We’ve got our own 411 for you. This shouldn’t be your career. Simon: I think it’s more like 911.”
Now we see a montage of several rejects one behind the other.
VANESSA WOLFE, 19, Vonore, TN — She’s a bridge jumper, I kid you not. She’s from a small Tennessee town and says there’s not much to do there. Already something tells me Vanessa is going to blow us away. She says she wants to make something of herself to get out of her town. She says her IDOL audition is the most important day of her life. She sings “Wagon Wheel,” a country diddy I have never heard of, but she sings it pretty darn well. She is definitely a country singer. Simon says he thinks she’s incredibly ill prepared for what she is about to face, but admits she’s really good and distinct. Four YES votes and this country girl is Hollywood bound. She gets off the elevator and says “I’m going to Hollywood and I’m gonna ride on an aeroplane.” Get ready, Hollywood. Country is coming to town. I’m pulling for her.
Day 1 in Atlanta ends and Day 2 promises more great voices and more, well, not so great voices.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Day 2 in Atlanta begins.
JESSY HAMILTON, 26, Anniston, AL – Jessy’s claim to fame is that he’s almost died three times in his life. Something tells me he is about to die again. The must see moment of the night is the IDOL “cheap dramatizations” of how Jessy almost bit the big one throughout his life. Whoever did them, you are a genius. Jessy believes the Good Lord has a reason for him to be here and I don’t argue with that one bit. I just don’t think singing on American Idol is what Jesus had in mind. Jessy has his big moment and freezes. He can’t remember the words of his song. Don’t ask me what song. I rewound the DVR several times and I still don’t know what the heck he’s saying. Although, Mary J. falls down in hysterics when he can’t remember the words. Jessy then announces he’ll sing Garth Brooks’ song, “The River.” He says, “If I can get the first line going, I’ll be ok.” Mary J. laughs even harder, her face covered. Kara hugs her and announces she’s upset over Jessy’s loss of lyrics. Well, Jessy, can’t remember the first line of “The River” so Randy suggests “If Tomorrow Never Comes.” At this rate, I’m thinking it won’t. Jessy starts singing and yes, yes, yes…he’s bad. I knew it. Jessy is a welder so Simon suggests he go back to welding. Simon: “If anyone can survive welding, it’s you.” Sorry, Jessy.
Now for a montage of more rejected singers who cry after being rejected. Jessy wasn’t one of them.
Cue the tease. A singer so bad, Mary J. exclaims, “Oh God!”
COMMERCIAL BREAK
HOLLY HARDON, 20, Rockmart , GA — Holly comes into the audition dressed as a human guitar. Shouldn’t they really ban people in costumes? She thinks she looks cute. I think she looks like an idiot. She also declares that she is “the next great thing.” I think you mean American Idol. Ugh! She walks in, Simon rolls his eyes and she says she’ll be singing, “You Ain’t Woman Enough To Take My Man” by Loretta Lynn. I thought her voice was so so. Mary J. says simply, “I don’t get it.” In any case, 3 YES votes (Mary J was No) and the Guitar Girl is off to Hollywood. They’ll cut her strings and send her back to Georgia for sure.
Now for some really bad auditions…
LATHAN DAVENPORT, 18, Lithonia, GA – I don’t know what he’s singing, but it’s bad.
HANSEL ENRIQUEZ (I swear that’s his name), 19, Duluth, GA – very badly singing “My Reflection” from Christina Aguilera. Sounds like a muppet on helium.
BLAKE SMITH, 20, Covington, GA – sings Britney Spears’ “Oops I Did It Again.” His oops was opening his mouth.
Then in walks MALLORIE HALEY, 20, Winner, SD and something tells me Malorie is going to make me smile. She sings a very country version of Janice Joplin’s “Another Piece of My Heart” and she does it well. Nice tone to her voice, almost like Carrie Underwood. Mary J proclaims, “That was just dope.” Dope it is. Four YES votes and Mallorie is Hollywood bound.
Now we get a montage of other Golden Ticket winners, but apparently we don’t need to meet them.
In the tease, we see two friends auditioning together. One is extremely upset. I think we are supposed to care, but I don’t.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
We’re back and we’re introduced to something called “Skii Bo Ski.” His real name is ANTONIO WHEELER, 22, Orlando, FL, but when he dances he skis and when he sings he blows his R&B. That’s his line, not mine. He has the American Idol logo cut into his hair and he’s wearing some hideous IDOL jacket he created with his name misspelled on it. Oh yeah, this is going to be good. He’s singing, “Heard It Through The Grapevine.” Ok, Ok, Ok, as much as it pains me, the man can sing. But the outfit has to go. Mary J. tells him to make his voice match the image. I don’t think he gets it. In fact, I know he doesn’t. Three YES votes and a NO from Simon. The idiot is going to Hollywood.
CARMEN TURNER, 19 and LAUREN SANDERS, 18, Baxley, GA – both looks like beauty pageant contestants that fell off the turnip truck. Ladies, tone down the make-up unless you are doing drag. Side note: Blue eye shadow is never a good idea. Anyway, they are “BFFs, for life.” They are convinced they both will make it. I haven’t heard them yet and already I hope they both get the boot. Lauren goes first. Her voice is shallow and thin and I have no idea what the song is. Carmen is up next. Her voice is definitely stronger than Lauren’s. There’s something there. I think she oversings a bit, but she can work on that. Simon says they should be a duo, but IDOL doesn’t do duos, so Carmen gets three YES votes (Simon was a NO) and Lauren gets four NO votes. The girls are upset and Simon adds, “Carmen, if it’s any consolation, I don’t think you will be away from her for too long.” Agreed.
Ryan says sweet Georgia peaches turn sour after the break.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
After a quick montage of some more bad singers, we meet…
BRIAN WALKER, 25, Seviervill, TN – Brian is a cop. A video montage of his life story tells me he is also a singing cop with a good voice. He sings “Superstar” for judges, but not Simon, who felt the need to take a break. Simon misses out b/c Brian has an amazing voice. Great tone and vocal control. Kara says, “This is what I love about this job…this guy can sing.” Three votes and this cop is speeding toward Hollywood.
Next up is LAMAR ROYAL, 20, Goldsboror, NC. He’s a huge fan of Mary J. Blige’s, but we’ve already seen him in the earlier tease throwing a fit and being bleeped out. In his pre-interview, Lamar says he is going to respect the judges’ opinions and he loves constructive criticism. For you non-TV people, this is what we call a set-up. Grab the popcorn. This is going to be good. He sings Seal’s “Kiss From A Rose.” Well, if you can call it singing. He refuses to listen to the judges advice and just starts yelling curse words everywhere. On the elevator he screams that Mary J. Blige can’t sing a lick. Wait, weren’t you just a huge fan of hers? He yells, “Who the **** is Kara? I wish Paula was here.” By the way, he is flanked by American Idol security as they escort him from the building. Hysterical.
The last act is coming up and although I hoped the show would end on a high note, I don’t think that’s going to happen.
COMMERICAL BREAK
GENERAL LARRY PLATT who says he wants to sing his song called, “Pants On The Ground.” Keep in mind the audition cut off age for IDOL is 28. Larry is, oh, 62. The song is stupid, but at least it gives the judges a nice laugh.
The end of the road for Atlanta. Next stop – CHICAGO!
Until then… MENDHEIM out.