It stands to reason that in an era of Peak TV there would be some terrible shows. After all, Sturgeon’s Law clearly states that ‘90% of everything is crap’ – and in a time of over four hundred and fifty scripted series, that leaves plenty of room for dross.
It would have been possible to compile a list of dozens for this year-end summation, but here are just a few especially egregious efforts – in alphabetical order because it was just so hard to choose between them. Handle with care.
AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE – ABC’s “American Housewife” stars Katy Mixon as Kate. (ABC/Craig Sjodin)
American Housewife (ABC) – Formerly titled The Second Fattest Housewife in the Hamptons (or something remarkably close to that), the housewife in question mourns the fact that the fattest wife in the neighborhood has moved away leaving her… umm… er… well… The success of this show (it was given an order for episodes 14-22) suggests that the folks who loved According to Jim are still watching TV.
Criminal Minds (CBS) – Still the most misogynistic procedural on network TV.
Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders (CBS) – To misogyny, let’s add a heaping helping of xenophobia and make a show in which no one in any other country is as capable as finding bad guys in foreign countries as Americans – because Americans (not that they’d try because it’s only missing Americans involved, after all). Simultaneously small minded and brazen, this is a series for an audience that thinks America needs to be made great again.
THE EXORCIST: THE EXORCIST coming soon to FOX. ©2016 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: FOX
The Exorcist (FOX) – This isn’t actually a TV adaptation of the movie. It features a whole new cast and has only a tangential connection to the original. It’s glacially paced and is never quite as terrifying as it can be (which isn’t saying much for a show that’s on network TV).
Fuller House (Netflix) – This sequel to the apparently much loved mediocre original is even worse than its progenitor. It’s been renewed for a third season(!), so apparently it hasn’t been hurt by its lack of quality.
Haters Back Off
Haters Back Off (Netflix) – This series – about a young woman who is determined to be a star despite not having an ounce of talent in any area – is dry to the point of aridity. I get what its creator is going for, and while I’m sure there are those who will find it hilarious, I just find it boring as all hell.
HUNTERS — “The Beginning & The End” Episode 101 — Pictured: (l-r) Lewis Fitz-Gerald as Truss Jackson, Britne Oldford as Allison Regan — (Photo by: Narelle Portanier/Syfy)
Hunters (Syfy) – An adaptation of a novel by Whitley Strieber, this series follows a crack black ops team that is hunting alien invaders. Its most compelling characters are the alien leader and the non-mole alien on the team – and on a show that has only one setting (gloom) and pacing that makes it seem like nothing much is happening (even during the action sequences) combine with weak writing to produce a show that was (rightly) canceled after one season. (Better it had not been made in the first place.)
MacGyver (CBS) – a reboot that was ordered to series and then had its pilot scrapped. Not exactly a good sign. Then, in the actual pilot/series premiere, the young titular genius kills three men in the teaser. Other than adhering to the concept of Mac saving the day with his giant brain and gift for constructive improvisation (which can’t hold a candle to the original despite having considerably more to work with, technologically speaking), this version lacks the intelligence, wit, charm and – let’s face it – substance of the original. This is the only show I’ve ever hate-watched (though if I had a Nielsen box, I wouldn’t even do that) – and that lasted only a couple more episodes before all hope was lost.
Man With a Plan (CBS) – According to Jim 2.0. (Mic drop)
NOTORIOUS – ABC’s “Notorious” stars Piper Perabo as Julia and Daniel Sunjata as Jake. (ABC/Kevin Foley)
Notorious (ABC) – A show about the collusion between the producer of a news show and a criminal defense lawyer. Good wholesome fun for the whole family. Not.
Pure Genius (CBS) – A dying billionaire sets up a hospital that looks like rejected sets for Star Trek and hires the best in their fields to help him find a cure – under the guise of benevolence. Sure, the hospital and its staff may well make all kinds of breakthroughs, but they’re doing it, essentially, outside the law (something is blithely overlooked throughout). That could have led to a show that was enthralling but – courtesy of weak writing (it’s the worst thing Jason Katims has done since the second season of Roswell) and the cast that’s wasted because of it – it kinda just lays there and goes ‘STAT!’ Thankfully, it hasn’t even been picked up for the back nine, so there’s one good thing about it.