Come with us now, to that time of yesteryear, of cheesy teen films (well, maybe not just yesteryear) where the goal of every guy was to bag some hot chick and…well maybe that was about it. The male lead sought to have the girl at all costs–or most costs anyway.
Seriously, some of these films provided more than that–at least in terms of a soundtrack. “”The Girl Next Door”” provides good music, in part because of classics like “”Under Pressure””, the original “”Lady Marmalade””, and “”Atlantis””. The retro-music is appropriate for this film, given the set up for this whole girl and guy fall for each other thing. The reasons why the two fall for each other, eh…well does that really matter? What the guy sees in the girl is, well, she is really attractive, and seemingly free spirited; she wants to dive into a random person’s pool, for instance. Then there’s the whole boost in popularity thing, a la “”Can’t Buy Me Love””, which said male enjoys after being seen with attractive female.What does she see in him–well, he’s smart, and even headed to Princeton–er, Georgetown (sorry, this is not “”Risky Business””). In addition, she wants to get out of the sex/sex-related biz, and views this new guy as a potential way out, all the while others make this career change most difficult—hmmm…””Risky Business”” again. There are probably other comparisons with this, and other, films, but that would be getting sidetracked, and the bottom line is that “”The Girl Next Door”” has some funny moments but lacks the heart that a movie such as this (comic romance) needs.The flick revolves around Matthew Kidman (Emile Hirsch), senior class president, super-bright kid, and a candidate for a prestigious scholarship, the winner of which must demonstrate moral fiber—oooo, wonder if this figures into a key moment. Anyhow, Matthew’s existence is pretty humdrum, save for his raising enough money to bring Samnang (Ulysses Lee), an intelligent student from Cambodia, over to the U.S. to study, practicing his speech for the dinner for the above scholarship, and hanging out with buds Eli (Chris Marquette) and Klitz (Paul Dano)–the former is a fan of the adult film genre and the latter is..named Klitz.Anyway….Matthew aspires to move away from his dull lifestyle, and begins to do so by spying on–yup–the title character. Actually, Danielle (Elisha Cuthbert) is simply house-sitting for her aunt, who is away in Africa, and catches the eye, to put it one way, of neighbor Matthew. It’s not long–actually really quickly–before they start hanging out, and become more than friends. Eli, again being the porn film aficionado, makes a revelation to Matthew–that Danielle is actually a porn star, her professional name being ‘Athena’. At first Matthew is upset with this news–who is this girl exactly–then he follows Eli’s advice and tries to seduce her in a motel. Only thing is, he really doesn’t want to go through with it, but Danielle gets upset with him anyway and walks away. Later, Matthew goes to Danielle to apologize, and once there meets up with Kelly (Timothy Olyphant–looking like a younger version of Bill Paxton, with some spiked hair thrown in), who from becomes a significant character from this point on to the end of the film. [pagebreak]Kelly is, well, and adult film producer who casts Danielle in his films, and also had a thing going on with her as well. Now he is around trying to protect his investments (i.e. making sure Danielle continues working for him) and now sees Matthew as a potential distraction for her and must deal with him; first, he ‘befriends’ the high school student, offering to fix him up with one of the girls at his school, but when Matthew insists upon seeing Danielle, things start to turn really sour.There are a number of things wrong with this film, but first, the positives: specifically, there are the occasional funny moments. The scene where the students in the film watch a sex-ed film from the 70s provides some humor, and nostalgia. It recalls the well meaning, but ultimately silly, and outdated, films that many out there have seen, filled with corny language (“it’s a gas” for instance).The other positive is Eli, not that he’s that great a character, but his smart-alecky, and his over-confident only to wimp out at last moment attitude is another source of fun in the movie. He works on the video portion of the school’s yearbook but now sees that Matthew’s situation, and it’s developments, provide him with an opportunity to fine tune his filmmaking skills. Eli is a fun character, indeed, and perhaps he should have been in another film.Still, this flick at times comes across as looking like something from USA Network’s former “”Up All Night””–something to catch on late night on weekends. There is this dreamy, hazy, surreal quality. Maybe this was to have been a so-called ‘art’ film, with the character continually drifting in and out of his fantasies…but…probably not.There is little chemistry between the two leads, and little reason is given for Danielle hooking up with Matthew, other than her seeking a change of pace. At the same time, Matthew is seeking more activity in his life, but that still doesn’t cover why he is willing to risk so much for someone who, initially at least, seems a little off her rocker. Well, it’s like those earlier films (i.e. 80s), where the nerdy guy seeks out the attractive girl, no matter how obnoxious she may be.Unlike some of those movies, though, where the protagonist comes around, here he sinks in deeper, and gets involved with Kelly (Olyphant–now on HBO’s “”Deadwood””). The latter travels around the high school with ease, and has no problem handling himself in the nearby bank. Now, in this post-Columbine//post-9/11 world, it seems unlikely for some strange adult to wander around a school, or take money from a bank–or certainly to walk into said school grabbing a student from the class and walking away, especially after it’s been established that the place has security (though maybe not the most effective) near the entrance/exit.Putting aside why school security doesn’t chase Kelly, or the lack of romantic chemistry between the two leads, or the silly ethnic stereotyping (i.e. Samnang), the movie doesn’t provide all that much humor–save for those Eli provides. This film isn’t a serious piece, it should make viewers laugh periodically, and instead it just sets up characters in negative situations–the idea of a high school student being taken advantage of, for instance–that provide more disgust than smiles. This is too bad, and what the movie needed to realize is that a good teen comedy provides heart to back itself up–so as to relax and take a breather from the real negative circumstances that face high schools—and if it does tackle topical moments, to deal with them appropriately.Grade: D+EM Reviewby Andrew Haas4/9/04