MOVIES: 7 Summer Films I Don’t Want To See

Last year, Hollywood proved once and for all that we can have big Tentpole films that are both Big, Intelligent, Original and Fun. This year it looks like they reverted back to form and are going for whatever is “safe.” The only movie I think I’m really actively looking forward to seeing is GI Joe and the Bonnie and Clyde Movie (forget the name). Everything else is just, eh. Here’s a list of summer films that I’m not looking forward to seeing – I think they’ll probably be entertaining and will get huge box office numbers, but will they actually be good or great – no.

Star Trek

I’ve never been a fan of the prequel or the “reimagining,” and I not sure how far the new Star Trek film is on the “reimagining” piece of the puzzle but I’m just not feeling this cast. All of the footage looks pretty amazing, lots of good space battles, the ships look huge and beautiful. This is another one of these films that’s been mishandled by the studio, I was interested in seeing this movie last year, after it got pushed back I lost interest and no matter how many times I see the trailers for this, I can’t seem to get excited.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

I loved the first Harry Potter film so much that I ran out and read the first two books and got hooked on the series. I became an obsessive Pothead, devouring 100,000 word fanfiction, trolling the Potter forums for any information on the upcoming books and movies. Book 3 came out and was great, but book 4 floored me. The last hundred pages of Goblet of Fire was filled with inventive action, mystery and drama. It perfectly set up the rest of the series to become this bad ass, over the top action piece. Then came Order of the Phoenix and everything completely fell apart. Nothing really happens in Order after all the talk about how evil and bad the Death Eaters and Voldemort we don’t get to see any of it until the end of Phoenix. The book felt like it was there to simply be filler. An 800 page book that’s nothing but filler. While the books became progressively worse, so have the movies. I blame Alfonso Cuarón who completely changed the look and tone of the film. He got rid of the bright colors and beautiful cinematography from the first to films and replaced it with this “gritty,” “grimy,” “realistic” view of the world. Of course the critics went crazy for the new tone, but me, I HATED it, it made the Potter world “common.” And that’s not what I wanted.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince is an even worse book than Order of the Phoenix, the Wizarding War is completely in the background, I understand the point of the book is to show how kids and people in general live during War time – that life still goes on, but JKR spends 4 books setting everything up perfectly and never follows through. She totally destroys Ron’s character in HBP, I used to be a Ron and Hermione shipper but after HBP I’m convinced that not only shouldn’t they be together, because any relationship they have would be completely abusive, but they shouldn’t even be friends. The entire plot of HBP could have been solved in a few pages if anyone actually believed Harry about Draco. In the past 5 books everyone complained that Harry never went to any teacher with his suspicions, in HBP he tells almost everyone in the book what’s going on and no one takes him seriously. They are supposedly at war, everyone knows Harry’s at the center of it, and he’s more than earned the benefit of the doubt (yeah he screwed up at the end of Order) and their reaction is always, “oh, Voldemort would never use a teenager?” Really? The most evil Wizard in history would never use Teenagers?

Even though I loathed the book, I still forgave it, thinking ok, we still have Dealthy Hallows and that’s really going to be over the top great – boy was I wrong. JKR cared more about “Swerving” the audience then following a logical story progression in the last 3 books. She actively did the opposite of everything she sets up previously. Characters aren’t consistent, no one really dies a “heroic” death, no big battles, just terrible. I also hate MIchael Gambon as Dumbledore. I’m hoping the films take some liberties with the materials and at least show us that, yes, they are at war and not just talk about it. Then there’s the way WB has poorly handled the release of this movie. They don’t show a trailer or anything from the movie until a month before it’s November release, then at the last minute decide to push it back by 8 months. For all of these reasons and more, I’m not looking forward to seeing Half Blood Prince.

The Terminator: Salvation

I don’t have much reason to really not want to see this film other than the fact that it’s directed by McG. Beyond the fact that he’s interchangeable with Brett Ratner his name is retarded and a tad pretentious for the type of crap he produces. With that said, he is responsible for 3 good TV Shows – The OC, Supernatural and Chuck all elements that I want to see in a Terminator movie (Sarcasm). I love the TV series, but all the Time Travel in the Terminator series has really destroyed it for me. I can no longer keep track of what’s going on and how the various movies and the Sarah Connor Chronicles are supposed to be related. And anything that happens in the movies will just be retconned to not matter by some time traveler. What will put this movie over the top for me is if they somehow connect this to the TV Series, maybe have a surprise appearance by Cameron. It does have Christian Bale in it and he generally knows how to pick strong projects, so I’m holding out hope that I’ll come away loving this film, will it be good, highly doubt it. But it should at least be entertaining.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

I’ve heard nothing but bad things about this movie, but when I see the trailer it doesn’t look that bad to me. While I used to be an avid comic collector I never could get into the X-Men world it was just too big, too intimidating and would have cost too much. So the only thing I know about them is what I learned watching the amazing X-Men cartoon series in the 90s and the first two incredibly X-Men movies. So this is a film I’m actually optimistic about. I don’t know enough about Gambit, Deadpool, Weapon X to have any preconceived notions about it when I go and see it. But again, the advanced buzz is off the charts bad.

Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen

I’ve always been a G.I. Joe fan and never liked the Transformers cartoon, didn’t like the first movie much, I thought it was all over the place in terms of tone. One minute it’s a really cool serious movie, next minute it’s this cheesy comedy action flick. I haven’t seen anything from the sequel which is never a good sign.

Angels and Demons

I hate Tom Hanks, I think he’s pompous and arrogant as a human being and his movies are pretentious. I hated The Da Vinci Code, couldn’t get past Tom’s goofy hair and the fact that the movie was long, talky, and boring. I don’t have much hope for this sequel.

Pixar’s Up

I recently said in a review of Monsters and Aliens that I’m not a fan of American Animation and I don’t like Pixar movies. I didn’t like (not hate) Toy Story, Monsters, The Incredibles, or Wall E. I know it’s blasphemy to say that. That by admitting this, people will come at me with their pitchforks or try and stab me with their 3D glasses. But I find Pixar films to be strangely “Hollow” they are too clean and perfectly animated, and the celebrity voices too distracting. I generally like the story and writing quality of Pixar productions. But like I said, I always come away feeling “meh,” like it was just OK but not these life altering experiences that everyone else seem to have.