MOVIE REVIEW: Michelle Reviews Twilight: New Moon and declares she’s Team Jared!


It’s hard to believe that my first movie review in months is this. The sad thing about Twilight: New Moon is that I went in with very low expectations and found the movie to be ok, but here’s the thing – Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) is loathsome and not aware how insipid, self involved, narcissistic and whiny she is. When she yells at her vampy boyfriend, with the weird ruby lips Edward (Robert Pattinson) to “take her soul,” I laughed out loud – what soul? The really sad thing is on the one hand she knows she’s broken – but the reason isn’t because she’s shallow and treats everyone around her like garbage – this fact doesn’t even enter her mind. No it’s because the love of her life broke her heart. Yet every male she comes into contact with instantly falls in love with her – the werewolf, Jacob (Taylor Lautner), her human male friend – the long suffering Mike (Michael Welch) and her father Charlie (Billy Burke) all try and help her and she just dismisses them.

This is where I will say that I read book one, or at least tried to. Lord knows I tried and made it up to Chapter 11 before I just couldn’t take it anymore. Author Stephenie Meyer is a horrid writer. The entire book reads like some 11 year old girl writing in a Diary, never mind that Bella is 16 (I think). The depth of her emotional connection to Edward consists of her waxing poetic about how beautiful he is. Every time she sees him, Meyer has to remind the audience Edward is beautiful and then alternates with “why is he mad at me today,” that’s pretty much the entirety of the first book.


Bella never really states why she even likes Edward – beyond the superficial and for the life of me I can’t see what it is about Bella that Edward finds attractive beyond the fact that he can’t “read” her. Who is this girl? What are her hopes, dreams, future plans? Heck, we don’t know anything about Edward beyond he hates being a Vampire and loves going to high school for 100 years. Hey, maybe, just maybe he should think about I don’t, how about hang around a College for awhile.

I mention the book because I will say the two movies so far have been far superior because we don’t have to deal with Bella’s inner monologue and Meyer’s piss poor writing. The movie is relentless in its melodrama, after Edward dumps the bitch, she spirals out of control and goes into deep depression that consists of her sitting in her room for three months and screaming uncontrollably every single night while her poor father dolts on her and indulges her continued psychosis. She breaks out of her psychosis when she realizes she can see Edward when she does incredibly stupid, dangerous things. So she becomes an adrenaline junky. That’s when she asks Jacob to build her a motorcycle – clearly playing Jacob for a sucker.

Here’s the thing, despite my absolute hatred of Bella and Edward I kind of liked the movie. There’s no denying the movie is an absolutely mess with bad CGI, Bad Acting, a dumb story, but I’ll admit I did like most of the other characters. Taylor looked really awkward as he walked, like he wasn’t used to his new oversized body and head. But he eventually grew on me.

I loved the Cullen clan, especially Alice (Ashley Greene) and her few moments with Jacob. The introduction of the Vampire royalty the Volturi, was a bit interesting but horribly acted. Why did Dakota Fanning fight to be in this movie? She’s terrible and is on screen for maybe 4 minutes. It’s hard to believe anyone in this film are professional actors. I’m going to assume her role expands in the next two films. I wish this series focused on the Cullens and gave them something to do beyond just spend hundreds of years going to high school. Poor Charlie stuck with a crazy daughter but still trying to do his best, how can you not like him?

Director Chris Weitz at least makes this installment look like a real, professional movie – not counting the acting. It actually looked like some cinematography was done, but the special effects are still laughable – the werewolf fight scenes were a joke and there’s a moment at the end where he gives away the forgone conclusion that Bella and Edward will live happily ever after. This scene is so laughably bad that my jaw dropped in wonder at the idea that it made it into a major motion picture. Considering how much the first movie made, this one still looks like it was shot using slightly more than the shoestring budget used in the first one.

Even with everything that’s wrong with this film, I still kind of liked it (enough that I want to try and read Eclipse) and there’s no good reason why. I just don’t understand how this crap became popular, that maybe I’m just missing something and I’m desperately trying to understand this dumb phenomena. Then again, I never understood the popularity of The Office, Family Guy, LOTR, Judd Apatow, Friends, Stephen King, etc. so why am I trying so hard now? I’m finally ready to declare my allegiance – I’m on Team Volturi and Team Jared because they wanted to put Edward and Bella out of their misery and make the world a happier place without them in it.

Final Grade D

EM Review By
Michelle Alexandria
Originally Posted 11.21.09


  1. You see you've explained the partial reason for its popularity. You hated so much about it yet you want to see the next installment. There's just something about this Edward and Bella business. Despite a poor story, bad special effects, cheezy lines, something about this flipping story sucks people in and you can't let go. I love Edward and Bella and I've stopped trying to fight it. Despite all that's wrong with the movies I just want to watch them interact.

    1. I think it is because of the "Romeo + Juliet" style of love story.
      Human vs Vampire, is not going to be a good story and everyone just fall into their imagination about them being Bella / Edward.

      We are living in a very superficial world.

    2. Yeah… I suppose that sometimes people inexplicably like Edward and/or Bella, and so want to see them together. I don't like Edward or Bella, though- I find both characters 2d and completely dislikeable (Edward is so controlling and Bella is a spineless wimp!)- but I enjoy watching these films. My only excuse is that I am 17 and find Taylor Lautner incredibly hot. And the amount of time he spends strutting around topless in this film- well. I like. Very much.

  2. if you can't even manage to remember the correct names of the 3 biggest characters, why bother blogging? You obviously do care enough and it's Team JACOB by the way, where did Jared come from??????
    It isn't supposed to be Academy Award winning material and you seem to like it enough so who cares really?

    1. kelly I am with you….

    2. No… she meant Jared. Jared is one of the werewolves, according to the IMDB link you didn't click. 😉

    3. Uhm, no she meant team JARED. As she said he wanted to kill Bella, which he did, in the scene when she smacks him he and turns.

      1. Hello.. that was Paul.. did you read the books?

    4. Jared is one of the wolf pack… He had a couple of witty lines in new moon….

  3. Try reading the books i have read all 4 millions of times and for whatever reason im hooked

  4. though the trailors were awsome and why didn't u mention the part of bella's birthday

  5. and hats off 2 u tracy, unloke others u oppose her criticism
    i think the "CRITICISER" should surely read the books because she doesn't know the whole story

  6. *unlike

  7. honestly everyone on the comments is the books..if you never liked that dammmm first book or the idea of it…wth did you watch the movie?…you are a hypocrite!get over it and if you really want something to complain about its not the Twilight series,its you and how sad you are for trying to bash on something that basically everyone loves.

    1. Nooo…. Everyone does not love them. In fact, I think you'll find a sizable majority despises them with everything that they are. And you do realize that one can criticize something without reading the books, yes? I didn't have to read the books to know that they were awful, terribly written Mary Sue fan fiction, that VAMPIRES DON'T SPARKLE, and that the author is cramming her psychotic Mormon worldview of women being worthless and subservient to men down the throats of impressionable girls everywhere. Then I read the books. And these impressions were made far, far stronger.

    2. Critics make money by watching movies, no matter if they're interested or not. They get paid to tell people what they think.

  8. LOL Best review ever! I am so glad someone can put my distaste for the book and movies in words. I am an avid reader and expected these to be good and they were awful. I do not understand why people enjoy them so. I have yet to watch New Moon but did read the books as after trying to argue my point on why book 1 was horrid I got "you have to read the entire series to understand" so I did just to be able to argue from the view point of someone who read the books and reading the whole series made everything even worse.

    1. I was gleeful to read that someone out there actually felt the same way I did. Meyer's writing is juvenile at best. Every time Bella opened her mouth in the first novel, I was perplexed by the repetitive dialogue that went nowhere. I did enjoy the description of scenes such as the thunderous baseball games in the forest. Nonetheless, the author clearly needs some help with her writing. I found the movie to be an adequate representation of the book, which is to say that it didn't really "go" anywhere…. it couldn't. I'm sure I'll eventually get around to seeing the New Moon flick but not because I am an avid fan. It's more akin to not being able to stay away from seeing the accident down the street.

  9. In the book Bella is suppose to be 17 and 18 making it even worse

  10. i agree with you, twilight is written with an 11 year old girl in mind. (its utter rubbish, unless your an 11 year old girl)

    1. You are absolutely right. Thank you for pointing out the target market. My (13 year old) daughter and her friends love the series. It has made them avid readers. The movie just reinforces this.

  11. i relate to the mostly, but you absolutely lost my vote when you mentioned my favorite TV shows and writers 🙁 They don't deserve to be judged as good as Twilight, I'm sure.

  12. Wow, that's a big load of criticism coming from someone that can't even stand to read the books! Speaking of "piss pour" writing…. don't you mean poor??? Along with an onslaught of other grammatical errors that I won't bother to put on here; maybe you ought to learn what these things mean and whether or not they apply to you before you go slapping things on someone else.

    1. and hats off 2 u tracy, unlike others u oppose her criticism
      i think the "CRITICISER" should surely read the books because she doesn't know the whole story .
      GOOD JOB

    2. People who live in glass houses ought not throw stones. Work on your own grammar before having a go at someone else's.

    3. What a surprise! A Twi-tard crying because her beloved wank material got bashed, so instead of defending the actual terrible writing (because she knows its bad), she goes for "Ummmm your grammar sucks!" Your argument is weak, Twilight is terrible, and FYI, you and your disgusting Twi-fan ilk have inadvertently donated over one million dollars to support Prop 8 and Prop 1. Yeah, you heard me- Meyer donates 10% of her earnings to the Mormon church, which just spearheaded those hateful campaigns. Go ahead and look it up. Then come back and "baawww" about my grammar since its all you've got.

    4. Just so you know, "piss pour" is the correct term. "Piss poor" is a bastardized term that emerged from people who are clueless about etymology. The term comes from the classic insult: “He would not be smart enough to pour piss out of his boots, if the instructions were written on the sole.”

  13. I liked the aggression in you review. I also left the theatre asking why everyone liked Bella so much. I didn't even see the first movie, but I think the direction/camerawork/style, whatever, made Edward seem really cool, such that I found myself waiting for him to come back coz I was bored with the naked Filipinos turning into Odie.

    That being said – you are setting a standard. Please perform a spell check and edit your paragraphs next time, or you destroy your credibility.

  14. hahahah check me out not even doing a spell check. Self-touche!

  15. im bigruk part 1*** i am a fan of any movie that has vampires and wherewolves and both is even better. i would've liked the movie to have been focussed more on edwards family and the volturi as well. this movie was a gothic chick flick with a young confussed selfish main character who basically deficates on all who love her so she can have what she selfishly wants,.instead of a good vampire movie. they actually had a scene where bella and edward are running through the woods…..huh?………who does that crap in movies anymore unless its a spoof or something on SNL or Mad TV to be funny? i am a grown man and these people i see posting are all women and i bet under the age of 25. …(continued plz read the rest before u comment…lol)

  16. im bigruk part 2*** (just a guess i could be wrong and nothings wrong with them being under 25 at all. it just explains why they like the movie despite its bad cgi, corny a$$ lines and so on. they are focussing on the whole cute mysterious vampire guy and the human girl who gets wet when she sees him fantasy….what younger women tend to do) this is cool when its not 90 percent of the movie. OK maybe 85 percent. i also honestly have not read the books at all but i liked the first movie alot more. it was a good start. just enough of everything to make you want to see the next. this was realy bad though looking and hearing from the eyes and ears of a person who loves vampire movies and books… more plz read then comment if u want. just do it im sexy…

  17. im bigruk part 3 and last*** Anne rice is my favorite and interview with a vampire was pretty damn flawless. book and movie. Queen of the damned even better book but the movie was not anywhere close to how good the book was. and the guy that played lestat sucked and didnt portray the real lestat in the book but some over acted extra sexy form of him. back to new moon though. i see the potential but the execution was very poor. this movie was more geared toward the whole janas brothers and high school musical generation. i blaim the playwriter and the director. hope the next movie is better. oh and i dont spell check becuz im not a professional critic. besides the opinion is the important thing not how it was spelled. but i agree if u r a writer or critic u should cuz it does hurt your credibility. love peace and hair grease everyone. and by the way i love women under 25 as well as those over. so dont get me wrong. …lol

  18. bigruk again….sorry i mean Jonas brothers….lol

  19. just seems like you don't like anything that goes with the crowd.

  20. this whole review made me very angry. i am 19 years old and i enjoyed the film AND books as much as my 15 year old sister AND my 41 year old mother. I do not believe the books sound like a '11 year old girls diary' i LOVED the books and LOVE both films and how you can call anybody's standard of writing when you can't even use correct spelling in your own review. I think you have made a total fool of yourself with your uninformed pathetic opinions and you have portrayed yourself as a very bitter resentful person who only gets release when putting other people down. Why bother trying to read the 3rd book or watch the film if you already knew you didn't enjoy the second book? you're just an attention seeking harpy who wants to get her facts right.

    1. Except that pretty much every reviewer who isn't a Twilight fan comes to the exact same conclusion, independent of their background, gender, sexual orientation, what they had for breakfast, whatever: that the books are vapid and terribly written, that the movies are boring and cheesy beyond all comprehension, that the central "love story" itself is quite possibly the most potentially damaging thing to young women in modern media, that Bella is a whiny self-absorbed narcissistic cipher for the author, and that Edward is an abusive boyfriend. When the entire planet except the people who have drunk the Kool-Aid are all saying the exact same thing no matter what their personal proclivities, that's kind of a sign that they're right. I'm sorry, but these wretched things are genuinely horrible pieces of "entertainment," and they are teaching young women that they are nothing without a man. I have nothing but absolute contempt for them, and the twisted Mormon worldview they perpetuate.

  21. LOL @ everyone who thinks she's not credible if she hasn't read the entire series. She tried reading through the first book and couldn't make it through Meyer's extended wet dream, hell she made it a lot farther than I did. If one book that starts an entire saga is total shit, and the movie adaptations are total shit, then why bother forcing yourself through the whole shit series? Besides it's her JOB to review movies, get that through your head people! Twilight apologists are hilarious.

    That being said, Michelle needed to really edit her paper instead of simply putting it into spell check, so next time you can avoid things like "piss pour."

  22. My favorite color is green. My husband's is orange. I don't know why I like green, maybe because my favorite things are green, but I just like green. He just likes orange.
    I like the books. I like the movies. Yes, I'm slightly disappointed in the movies because they don't meet my standards, but how would the directors know? They can't read my mind. But the books and movies still appeal to some thing inside of me that decides I like them. Something inside that can relate? I don't know, I just like them.
    So, in the long run, what does it matter if I like green and other people don't? In the long run, what does it matter if some people like books and movies and other's don't? I can try to tell you why I like it, but it doesn't really matter because some people don't like them. Who cares?

    1. well, obviously I can't relate the vampire part, lol.

      1. and everyone's comments seem kinda passionate. Its just a book.

        1. A book that is being constantly shoved down everyone's throats. There is NO ESCAPE from it. And what's more, the vast majority of us who hate the damned things are of the opinion that the Twilight phenomenon is genuinely damaging to young women, pounding into their heads that they are absolutely meaningless without a man to validate their existence. THAT'S why it's passionate. Also, the fact that pointing out that the books are terrible causes the demented fan base to issue a fatwah against you. Look what they did to poor Evanna Lynch after she dared to say she thought the books were poorly written: death threats galore.

          1. I second this. It's amazing how the "Twihards" get personally offended when you say you didn't care for the books. They react like you just punched Jesus in the face or something. They totally go off one you. If anyone dare criticize the Twilight franchise then they are a “bitter person.” Yeah, if I don’t like Twilight, then I must not like ANYTHING. Hardcore Twilight fans are the ones who seem to be bitter and miserable.

  23. Don't read Eclipse. Bella only becomes more self-centered and whiny in that book. In fact, I was on board the fan train when I read the first two books but then changed direction after reading Eclipse. In it Bella is a narcissistic whiner who honest to god only thinks of herself the entire book, Edward becomes a complete doormat, and Jacob becomes a bullying jerk. Trust me, if you didn't like the characters in this movie, you will want to claw your eyes out after reading Eclipse.

    1. The thing is I kind of liked the movie enough to be curious to see if the books get better but if you are saying she becomes worse because she gets everything she wants, then I'll have to rethink it, but I already bought it for my Kindle so I'll at least read the first 3 chapters to see how it goes.

  24. Bella is what's known as a 'mary jane' character. A craptastically poor excuse for a character who readers with half a brain hate and can't relate to and yet for some reason everyone, except the 'bad guys' in the story adores. These books, and their movie counter parts, are a pathetic attempt at teen drama and romance. I honestly don't know why any publisher thought putting this dribble out for sale was a good idea, the world would be a better place with out it.

    1. That's funny and you are right, if this was Fanfiction, Bella would be the classic example of a Mary Sue character.

    2. $$$ That's why. They knew this would sell. It's exactly the kind of shallow, imbecilic, utterly self-absorbed tripe teen girls are known for consuming like cattle. I doubt they expected THIS, though. They probably thought they had something on the order of Sweet Valley High on their hands, not the next freaking multimedia superphenomenon.

      And it's Mary Sue, for the record. The term dates back to a Star Trek fanzine in the '70s, which featured a fan-written story about a young woman named Mary Sue who comes aboard the Enterprise, is instantly adored by all, saves the ship and the galaxy, and causes Spock to fall in love with her. It was pretty blatant author's wish fulfillment, and the term stuck to the concept. And Bella is the biggest Mary Sue I've seen in years.

    3. $$$ That's why. They knew this would sell. It's exactly the kind of shallow, imbecilic, utterly self-absorbed tripe teen girls are known for consuming like cattle. I doubt they expected THIS, though. They probably thought they had something on the order of Sweet Valley High on their hands, not the next freaking multimedia superphenomenon.

      And it's Mary Sue, for the record. The term dates back to a Star Trek fanzine in the '70s, which featured a fan-written story about a young woman named Mary Sue who comes aboard the Enterprise, is instantly adored by all, saves the ship and the galaxy, and causes Spock to fall in love with her. It was pretty blatant author's wish fulfillment, and the term stuck to the concept. And Bella is the biggest Mary Sue I've seen in years.

  25. In the words of a wise tee-shirt I saw recently….

    THE END.


    1. ROFLMAO!!! Brilliant! I want that shirt so I can wear it in response to all the girls who wear the insipid "I like boys who sparkle!" tees. I teach and when I announced my disdain for the series, one girl shouted, "THANK YOU!" Apparently, if you're 13 and you don't like devouring garbage such as this, you get bullied. *shrug* Who knew?

    2. The true, secret ending to "The Twilight Saga:

  26. Perhaps you hsould pay attention to the movie before you write a review?
    BELLA IS 18 NOT 16! The movie makes a huge point of this at the beggining and end.
    Your reviews read more like rants.

  27. As soon as you lumped in The Office, Family Guy and LOTR with the Twlight series, your credibility went right out the window for me.

    I like the whole Twilight phenomenon, but I am also smart enough to realize it's no cinema thought provoker that provides wisdom that will last through the ages. It's a light, entertaining read – the movies are light, entertaining fun (for the most part). They aren't the best movies I've ever seen, nor the best books I've ever read but the point was they provided some sort of entertainment.

    How can you not like LOTR, The Officer OR Family Guy? Would you rather sit back in your recliner and watch a special on the history channel about building boats, or maybe sit on your porch waving your cane at the unruly kids these days? What exactly entertains you, I'm interested in knowing.

  28. Wow, your writing is absolutely terrible. I found myself reading on because I didn't know what you would spell wrong next, haha!

  29. The books were good, I'd rate them 7/10. The movies, however, were awful! There was potential for the movies to be great, I hope they remake them at some point, and get better actors in (or maybe it wasn't the actors, maybe it was the director) and a better screenwriter! Or they could just make a mini-series like BBC do with classics, lol, though I guess this would be less worthy. I'd rate the movies 4/10. They absolutely wreck it for me!! Come onnn, this makes Twilight haters hate Twilight even more and turn away the minority who are not fans.

    1. Please don't remake them. Oh, God, please don't. Please, Summit, stick to your summer 2010 release for Eclipse, and get your twisted vampire rape movie (otherwise known as Breaking Dawn) out as fast as possible and let us all get on with our lives.

  30. Michelle – You are completely right. i agree with every decision you made and i am definatly rooting for team Jared and Team Volturi! Amazing job at writing this review can wait till the next one!

  31. ok! I dont agree with her on any of this besides the fact about Bella is dead on. I mean shes in love with Edward and when he leaves she dismisses another person who would NEVER leave her, and yet she complains, Im also thinkin its funny that not only does she get hit on by all the hot guys, they all think shes the best thing ever and she never really gives them a reason to be. Those are some pretty lonely people. lol. Bella is whiney, Edward needs to get a clue and find a girl who isnt so damn difficult , teenager or not! and Poor jacob, its like hes chasing his own tail! lol

  32. Bella is a fundamentally good person. But the books are supposed to be written from the viewpoint of Bella Swan. So if she feels something that is selfish (as we all have) we're going to read about it. If she makes mistakes (as we all have), we're going to read about it. If she vascillates between one decision and another, we will read about it. What I'm trying to say is that people go nuts over the books because they have all felt the way Bella feels, they've all been "whiny, self centred teenagers" at some point (and not just at that age), and they've all wished for the kind of love Bella has with Edward – where she is loved for who she is, despite her shortcomings (Edward doesn't see anything about her as a shortcoming – except maybe her dislike of fast cars!). People relate to her on a very personal level – the story reminds them of times they have felt insecure, or lonely, or frightened – so when people bash the book, it FEELS personal, you know? It is not meant to be an action story, or a supernatural thriller. It is the story of Bella – the good, the bad, and the ugly. She notes and bemoans her own shortcomings in the books – she knows she is not perfect and she thinks she doesn't deserve the love of Edward, or the friendship of Jacob.

    The movie is moody and emotional, because that's how Bella felt in the book. The movie is, after all, supposed to follow the book. I think they did a great job and I really enjoyed it. I agree, some of the acting was kind of funny. And Robert Pattinson had weird nipples, which sort of detracted from the whole "Bella saves Edward from killing himself" thing, but overall, I have to disagree with you and say I thought it was very well done. I think the difficulty is that the movie, whether on purpose or not, relies on people having read the books in order for them to "get" the emotional context. Otherwise, yeah – Bella looks like a whiny kid, who screws Jacob over and moons over the untanned undead with the weird nipples.

    In short – a few chapters is not enough to understand what is going on – and if you feel so strongly about Bella's character and about what you have read and seen so far, maybe leave it alone and move on to something else. Although i have to say – I'm not sure what to recommend you move on to, as The Office, Family Guy, LOTR and Friends seem good enough to a whiny brat like me ;o)

    1. I think you did a very good job explaining things!

    2. I am whiny and self-centered at times, like everyone else. I still didn't relate to the books at all. I hated Bella. She didn't feel "real" to me, since how many average teenage girls would be so angry about nice, decent-looking, mildly popular guys liking them?

      I had an "Edward," someone who was good-looking, thought about me constantly, treated me like a princess, wanted to be with me all the time, and came through my window at night. Guess what? It wasn't a healthy relationship. There is no way I would do that again. My husband loves me, but I am not his #1 preoccupation. He has friends and hobbies that do not involve me. I have friends and hobbies that do not involve him. We are still close and love each other very much.

      "You like people for their virtues, but love people for their faults."

  33. I readily agree with the above review. The characters personalities are as deep as a children’s wading pool at best. Bella is self absorbed and I agree with the above author that we really know nothing about Bella. The main character is shown to be really really needy when it comes to Edward, the writing didn't even give this manic behaviour any justification or depth. Bella is borderline obsessive compulsive and I would recommend Edward to find someone not nearly as 'clingy'. That being said, I found the movie to be very slowly paced and Bella's descent into depression/madness to be completely hammed up. I'm probably in the minority as this film had at least $140.7 million (US) worth of fans this weekend. I hope the in the following movies Bella matures a little more and the characters show more than just teen angst.

  34. im sorry michelle, but you are a shit reviewer, and you should not speak your mind, considering you didnt read all the books, you didnt even finish twilight, you clearly arent stephenie's audience for the book, and dont like this genre and thats fine, but dont down grade it because she is an amazing writer, and very creative, and the movies just simply dont do her books justice. So go review something that interests you!@

  35. I do understand that in order to appreciate the movie, it is essential to read the books. And that is totally wrong. There isn't a sign that says, "warning: in order to appreciate and fully understand our characters you must read the Twilight saga." If you don't read the books you end up not liking Bella, that's a fact. And that's something the movie makers should adress, because this is suppossedly to be a movie for everyone and not a movie for a selected Twihard fanbase.

  36. I am a 20 year old girl and am a fan. I saw the first movie and was intrigued and had to read the books. I do admit you can tell Meyer is a new writer but I can't help but want to keep reading! Bella is certainly not my favorite but the devotion she has for Edward and vice versa is rather charming. I don't really think she sees herself as NEEDING a man to complete her, she just wants Edward and for some that is something they can relate to, or just want. I don't think it is a big secret that the audience ranges from pre-teens yearning for Nick Jonas and Housewives bored of their daily soaps. I will never understand why people have to take things like fandoms to such a scary extreme, but there is something about the Twilight phenomenon that sucks people in despite all the flaws.

  37. Bella is a teenager…by nature all teenagers are selfish and narcistic. And love and the act of falling in love is equally selfish act. It is self serving and self involved. So why the problem now…with this story? Was Juliet any less selfish running away (or intending to run away) with Romeo? And yet their story is often reffered to as the most romantic one in littereture. Huh go figure.

    You can like or not like the books or the movies, but don't use the selfishness of one character as a reason. Bella is wirtten and portrayed as a normal 17 year old girl. All girls that age are selfish. Its a fact of human nature. Get over it.

  38. I have neither seen the movies nor read the books, so I shall express no opinion on them. But there is a different point I'd like to make to those defenders of 'Twilight' who argue that 'you shouldn't review this unless you've seen/read the whole series'. Quite simply, this is not valid. A film adaptation has to stand on its own. It's perfectly possible for film adaptations of excellent texts to be mediocre ('Beowulf') or for decent books to turn into outstanding movies ('The Godfather'). The job of a movie reviewer is to watch the film and judge it on its own merits, quite irrespective of the source material.

    And I'll laugh quite a lot if someone blasts me for commenting despite not knowing the books/movies… 😀

  39. What a delicious review.

    They need a new screen writer, that's for sure. The dialogue coming straight over from the books is awful. It's like people don't realize that what might sound passable on a page won't sound good at all coming from a mouth on screen. I also think that Lautner does a well enough job as Jacob, but he seems, to me, to have problems playing the emotional and sincere parts. The words look and sound awkward coming out of his mouth. I still dislike Pattinson as Edward (ew, gross, douchey, etc) and I'm not a fan of Stuart's portrayal of Bella. She did great in the Cake Eaters and Adventureland, but I don't think she's a fit for this part. There was also far too much slow motion. The Matrix was a long time ago, people. Get with the times.

    This is obviously a very popular movie. I just wish people would stop confusing popularity with quality. When I hear a throng of girls of various ages run by and yell "It's SUCH a good movie, oh my god!", I can't help but die a little inside. What does the popularity of such a thing say for the future of film?

    One of the greatest tragedies of the literary world (the popularity of poor literature ala things like Twilight and Eragon and much of Harry Potter) has the somewhat positive side of actually getting people to read. If only they would read something of better quality instead. I also question what the literature of the future will be like if we have generations of people inspired by these various low-grade pieces.

  40. "How old are u"
    " Michelle Alexandria".I guess 100 and of course get bored by your life.Why dont u try something else rather than hanging on criticism a movie and even a book.I dont want to tell u anything u have written about the movie but dont dare to tell anything about the book which u even dont read.To make comments about a teen-romance book u have to be a teen first.So try other 1000 movies made for u jerk and happily make comments.

  41. I'm just curious as to what you actually do think is enjoyable, and really wondering why failure to enjoy LOTR and STEPHEN King has anything to do with failure to enjoy the Twilight saga. Also, while you have good points about Bella as a character, it would make for a better review if you could say something about an acting performance beyond that it was "terrible." I do not know who you are, personally, but it is hard to believe you really tried to read the books. Considering your writing style and grammatical mistakes, as well as your terrible negligence where checking facts is concerned (I'm not even a fan and I know that Bella is 17, and that it isn't "Steven King") it's hard to believe that you put any real effort into the review or that you paid the artistic material the respect it deserves by at least paying attention to it before deciding to bash it.

  42. Ahh Michelle. Wow. It's incredible how you can criticize this movie so much without first reading the BOOKS. Oh, and by the way… These characters are not real people. It is fictional, and purely for entertainment. So making a psychological profile of the characters("Bella") only makes you sound naive and immature. It's a movie based off of the books. Don't criticize the movie unless YOU'VE READ THE BOOKS! Speaking of Stephenie's writing… will you PLEASE post a link to where I can buy one of your books? Perhaps on Oh, wait. You are not an actual author. You prefer to sit around criticizing other writers in an area that you have no experience in yourself. You are clearly jealous of her success and criticize her to make up for your utter failure at life in general. Was it your dream to be a famous writer? Because that would certainly explain your envious hostility. Phew. Now I feel better. So, here is my point of view. I have read all four books. And I am not an 11 year old girl! Imagine that! I thoroughly enjoyed them(along with millions of other adults… and probably some 11 year old girls!). I love Stephenie's writing style and fell in love with the story. I had doubts and worried that the movie would not meet my expectations but it exceeded them. Great acting and directing. Chris did an amazing job and kept the movie true to the book for the most part. I look forward to seeing the next two movies.

    1. Use a little reading comprehension, I DID READ the freaking book. At least book 1. And it's a MOVIE, I don't have to read the book to understand how bad a movie is.

    2. You DO realize that any idiot can get published if a publishing company buys the tripe they put out, right? You don't honestly think Sylvia Brown and Tim LaHaye are brilliant authors, do you? No, they both produced mass market crap that a certain subset of the population was going to consume voraciously, just as the focus groups forecasted. The modern publishing industry is astonishingly shallow and calculating. It's all about the marketing. Meyers is the same.

      Also, I'll say it again, one need not have read the books to know that the movie is garbage. Plenty of people have never read the Lord of the Rings, but that doesn't mean its extremely positive reviews are invalid. The were reviewing THE MOVIE.

      Oh, and OMGSHESGOTBOOKSUDONT is not a valid argument. Nice try, though, champ. Keep at it!

  43. I usually don't comment on these things, but I just have to say something, this review is fucking awesome. It's like you took the words right out of my mouth. Ignore the other people who are bitching just because you hated the books/movie, they like Twilight, so that says it all about them. I agree with you, the book is crap, Bella's a fucking useless bitch and all the boys need to meet some real girls. The problem with this book is that while there are women in the world achieving great things, Bella is uselessly devoting herself to a boy and being glorified for it! Get a life! A woman can be more than this! She’s pathetic, this Twilight craze needs to stop. People need to get a brain and you are awesome for writing this review.

  44. You don't like the office, friends, and lotr? along with this horribly constructed

  45. Go Michelle! I agree with you…I have read all the books and thought the movie was hilarious. I mean hilarious in a bad way. My friends and I were laughing throughout the entire movie. Mothers and Grandmothers were literally sitting on the edge of their seats watching this movie. My friends and I were shocked to see such a more mature target audience supporting this crazy franchise. I really couldn't take this movie seriously. The only reason why we watched it was because of our experience with twilight. Twilight was not only worse in general but actually more funnier. Certain scenes made us ask,"Are you Serious???????".

    (Part 2 below)

  46. There were moments where i looked at my phone to check the time. It was crazy how slow this movie was. And I fully agree with BellatrixBlack! Plus-If you want to experience one hell of a rollercoster, get on board for Bella's emotional one. Shit-In this movie she was up and down, up and down. I get the whole "The love of my life dumped me and left me" but it was still irritating. Although Kristen Stewart couldn't even show any other emotion than her confused dumb look that she has.

    All in All……they should really change this movie genre into Comedy! I can't wait for eclipse..

  47. This is horrifyingly poorly edited. DId they pay you for this or is it just a hobby? I know that sounds snide, but I'm really just curious. But about ten minutes of real editing and this is a great review. It's entertaining, funny, and to the point. I think A.O. Scott kind of sucks half the time – this is better than a lot of his stuff. But please proofread (have someone else do it if you're a poor speller).
    I'm not exactly sure why everyone is saying you are ill-equipped to review just because you haven't read the books… Does that mean no one can review any movie who hasn't read the book first? Are books only companions to the movie now? Are film makers and actors exempt from attempting to provide any emotional complexity or coherency because it's all in the book already (though in this case, it's not)? This makes no sense at all.

  48. remember this is fantasy—Saw Twillight before I read the books-thought i didn't like Bella beasue of Stewart's acting and portrayal. Read the books (which I really enjoyed) but found out that it is a combination of Stewart and the character. I have to say the little I have seen Stewart in the press- she really is Bella. Whiney and self absorbed. I actually vowed I would not see the movie ( Twilight) after I saw Pattinson on some talk show- thought he was a complete wack job. However after seeing him in the movie- WOW- Edward improved his image !! Sure there are some real problems with the movie-Twilight- very cheaply and pretty poorly made- but obviously it has something– just relax and fall into fantasy land and enjoy- even if the part that makes you happy is hating Bella

  49. There's a quality vampire romance from 1987 called Near Dark. The vampires in this film are not genteel and do not suffer fools gladly.

    There's also a really good vampire movie about a romance between 12-year-olds, and it is not written on an 11-year-old level and is not meant to appeal to virgins afraid of sex. It's called Let the Right One In.

  50. All of these Twihards make me LOL. Can't somebody post a negative review without getting bombarded by Twihard attacks? It's the lady's OPINION. Everyone has a right to one! And they wonder why normal people can't stand Twilight and its fans…hmmm…. On a side note: if I hear another Twihard cry about how one needs to read the books to understand the movie, I'm going to go on a freaking murderous rampage! It's a MOVIE! It should be able to stand on its own and not simply be an extension of the book. Oh, and Smeyer does write like an 11 year old. Somebody take that woman's thesaurus away!

  51. Jared is Jabob's wolf friend. This review got the names down.

  52. I'm just waiting for the way movie critics will respond to the vampire date rape/OMNOMNOMUTERUS/fall in love with a damned baby trifecta of horribleness in the now inevitable fourth movie. I cannot freaking wait. That's pretty much the moment the entire non-idiot fangirl world realizes how horrible these things are. Especially the OMNOMNOMNOMWOMB part. I seriously might pay to see that one just to see the reactions of the parents.

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