Humorous Quotes
“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?””–Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time”–Robin Williams, commenting on the Clinton/Lewinsky affair
“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”–Ernest Hemmingway
“The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn’t exist.”–Aaron Machado
“I’m still an atheist, thank God!”–Luis Bunel
“I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it. .”–Unknown
“I was hitchhiking the other day, and a hearse stopped. I said, ‘No thanks – I’m not going that far.”–Steven Wright
“On TV, the commercial says that 8 out of 10 people suffer from hemorrhoids. Does this mean the other 2 people enjoy them?”–Unknown
“Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.”–Unknown
“Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.”–Mark Twain