I found this site with real clippings from Newspapers check them out!:
TURNING TOMBSTONES INTO ATM MACHINES
(New York, Wireless Flash) – A deceased cattle rancher in Bozeman, Montana, is bringing new meaning to the term “cashing out”â€â€?by installing an automatic teller machine in his tombstone. Cattle rancher Grover Chestnut died recently at the age of 79. However, before he cashed in, he installed an ATM at his tombstone and gave 10 heirs debit cards, and told them were allowed to withdraw $300 per week from the grave. It may sound like a grave waste of money but sources say Chestnut figured the tombstone ATM was the best way to make sure his grave had regular visitors. It must be working. Joel Jenkins, who helped create the “cashing-out” machines, says one of Chestnut’s granddaughters recently gave up a promising acting career in New York in order to cash in on Grandpa’s money-making tombstone. Although Chestnut’s grave is currently the only one with an ATM, Jenkins figures others will be dying to try it soon.
BOOB-LICKING SCAM BUSTED
(Columbia, Sky News) – When men were stopped in the streets of Columbia and asked if they wanted to lick a woman’s breast many thought their dreams had come true. The women would pose seductively outside glitzy bars and restaurants and encourage goggle-eyed men to stop their cars and take a closer look. But after helping themselves to what was on offer, the men would wake up hours later to find their wallets and cars missing. Unbeknown to the men the temptresses had smeared the breasts with a powerful drug that reduced their victims to a stupor. Bogota police said the narcotic caused the men to lose their willpower. “They dissolved the pills in water and rubbed it into their breasts,” a spokeswoman said. Three women, in their late teens and early 20s, have been arrested.
DEAD KOALAS PAINTED RED TO RAISE DRIVER AWARENESS
(Australia, AP) – It’s an unusual way to cut down on road kill in Australia. Officials in Brisbane are painting koala carcasses red and leaving them on the side of the roadâ€â€?to raise driver awareness about the slow-moving creatures. One official says road signs have failed to reduce the number of koalas killed in the regionâ€â€?it’s estimated at 150 a year. So the idea now is to try shock tactics. Environmental groups say the plan will upset people and could lead to even more accidents by motorists who slow down or swerve out of the way. Koalas are not officially listed as an endangered species, but experts do regard them as threatened. Conservation groups estimate the koala population in Australia at fewer than 100,000.
NO CONVICTION FOR PENIS CON
(AAP) – A bank manager who convinced female doctors to examine his penis in order to be aroused has walked from a Brisbane court without a criminal conviction. Brisbane loans manager Craig Hilton Bell, 43, pleaded guilty to the sexual con he carried out for almost a decade. Bell, who was described as a “sad sexual misfit,” was charged with 24 counts of sexual assault, one of attempted sexual assault, one count of making documents without authority, one count of uttering and one of fraud. The father of three admitted in the Brisbane District Court he sought out female doctors to examine his scrotum and penis, making up stories he had been hit in the groin. Bell would drop his trousers before female doctors asked him and his penis would be erect, the court heard. Embarrassed female doctors would then call in male doctors. “On both occasions, the accused’s erection disappeared,” Prosecutor Ron Swanwick told the court. Bell’s fantasy ended when he stole a Medicare card to continue his visits, making his intentions clearly criminal, Swanwick said. Bell was ordered to do 240 hours community service and repay $3,416 in false claims to Medicare.
Woman Sues Airline Over Adult Toy Incident
WOMAN SUES AIRLINE OVER ADULT TOY INCIDENT
(Florida) – A lawsuit filed in Clearwater seeks unspecified damages of more than $15,000 from Delta Airlines for asking a woman returning from a Las Vegas vacation to hold up a vibrator that she had in her travel bag. The suit accuses Delta of negligence, gender discrimination and the intentional infliction of emotional distress. The plaintiff, Renee Koutsouradis, said the agent took her to the bag on the tarmac and forced her to “open it and remove the adult toy and hold it up for visible view.” She claims three men employed by Delta “began laughing hysterically” and offered “obnoxious and sexually harrasing comments.” Michael Boyd, an airline planning and security consultant from Colorado, said embarrassing incidents have become more common with increased security by all airlines since Sept. 11. He said his guideline would be to leave anything embarrassing at home, just in case.
MAN LEAVES PHOTO AT ROBBERY SCENE
(Maryland, AP) – Police in Silver Spring, Maryland, can thank a forgetful robber for some good evidenceâ€â€?his picture. Officers say the bandit robbed a camera store after asking for a passport picture. When the clerk opened the register, the suspect drew a gun and demanded money. While he got away with some cash and the photo, police say he forgot about the negative. Detectives have made new prints and are distributing the photo to the media.
BEER BELLY SAVES MAN’S LIFE
(England) – A Birmingham, England, man who was attacked with a powersaw says his beer belly probably saved his life. Shaun Reaney, who weighs 308 pounds, is recovering in hospital after being slashed across the stomach. Reaney suffered an 18-inch wound when he was attacked by four men. His beer belly kept the blade of a circular saw from touching his internal organs. “It’s good I had that layer to protect me,” he told a local newspaper. His wife, Theresa, added, “The doctors told me if he had been lighter he would have died. When Shaun came around he reminded me that years of boozing had saved his life.”
GIANT MONUMENT GETS GIANT CONDOM
London (Reuters) – A 21-foot long condom has been placed on the Cerne Abbas Giant, a giant fertility symbol cut into a hillside in southern England. In a publicity stunt carried out by the Family Planning Association to raise sexual health awareness, the 197-foot tall figure famous for its erect phallus was adorned with the huge sheath overnight. The image, etched into the chalk rock of a Dorset hillside, is believed to date from the second millennium BC. At least one couple claim to have cured their infertility by making love in its one-foot-wide trenches. “It does get used rather often by people doing stunts. We just hope it doesn’t do any damage,” said a spokesman for the National Trust, which owns the chalk man. He added, however, “We’ve got a sense of humor, too.”
DOES SEX MAKE WOMEN SPRINTERS FASTER?
(Berlin, Reuters) – Women sprinters who have sex before competing generally perform better but men should avoid amorous exploits before taking to the track, the trainer of Germany’s men’s sprinting team said recently. “With women, it’s not true that sex before competitions has negative effects. On the contrary, we have scientific evidence that women who have sex shortly before competing run better. It boosts performance,” Uwe Hakus told Germany’s Fit for Fun magazine. With women the testosterone levels rise when they have sex. But, unfortunately, male testosterone levels fall after orgasm. And their muscles are less able to contract,” Hakus said. However, Hakus warned that sexual intercourse before running could hit any athlete’s concentration. “Everyone has to make their own decision on what their goals are. And this decision they make on their own,” Hakus said.
ATTACKING SQUIRREL APPREHENDED
(Illinois, AP) – Authorities believe they have put an end to a squirrel’s reign of terror. They think a squirrel they killed recently is the one responsible for at least four attacks on people. It was captured during a final attack. A man pulled it off his wife’s shoulder as it was biting her. He threw it into a trap and called police. Animal control officers killed the squirrel and are sending it to a state lab for testing. The squirrel had a bald spot on its tailâ€â€?just like the one described by the previous victims.
BOY’S PENIS STITCHED BACK AFTER DONKEY BITE
(Rabat, Reuters) – Surgeons have managed to stitch back a Moroccan boy’s penis after it was bitten off by a donkey, the official MAP news agency has reported. Professor Mouaad Mounir, chief urologist at Ibnou Toufail hospital in the southern city of Marrakesh, was quoted as saying the operation on the seven-year-old boy took 45 minutes and was successful. MAP did not say how the donkey managed to bite off the boy’s penis. A source at the hospital confirmed the agency’s report, but declined to give further details. Donkeys in Morocco are used for laborious work on farms and garbage collection and are often subject to harsh treatment.