these were e-mailed to me…enjoy
A man comes into the ER and yells, “My wife’s
going to have her baby in the cab!” I grabbed my
stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s
dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift I placed a
stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female
patient’s anterior chest wall. “Big breaths,” I
instructed. “Yes, they used to be,” remorsed the
patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when
I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive
myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes
later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the
family that he had died of a “massive internal
fart.”
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical, including
the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty
feet from the chart and began, “Cover your right eye with your hand.” He read the 20/20 line
perfectly. “Now your left.” Again, a flawless
read. “Now both,” I requested. There was silence. He couldn’t even read the large E on the top line. I
turned and discovered that he had done exactly whatII had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient’s two week follow-up
appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me,
his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of
his medications. “Which one?” I asked.
“The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new
one every six hours and now I’m running out of
places to put it!” I had him quickly undress and
discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see… Yes, the
man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the
instructions include removal of the old patch before
applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly
patient, I asked, “How long have you been
bedridden?” After a look of complete confusion she
> > > answered… “Why, not for about twenty years-when my
> > > husband was alive.”
> > >
> > > Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and
asked, “So how’s your breakfast this morning?” “It’s
> > > very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t
> > > seem to get used to the taste,” the patient replied.
> > > I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced
> > > a foil packet labeled “KY Jelly.”
> > >
> > > Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
> > >
> > > A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when
> > > a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk
> > > rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and
> > > wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly
> > > determined that the patient had acute appendicitis,
> > > so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she
> > > was completely disrobed on the operating table, the
> > > staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed
> > > green, and above it there was a tattoo that
> > > read, “Keep off the grass.” Once the surgery was
> > > completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
> > > patient’s dressing, which said “Sorry, had to mow
> > > the lawn.”
> > >
> > > Mary Virginia Corkle R.N.M.N., Bernardsville
> > >