Roland Emmerich – he of Independence Day, 10,000 B.C. and 2012 [to name but a few] – takes one of the many theories on who really wrote the works of Shakespeare and turns it into a political thriller that blames all manner of events on… writers?
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Roland Emmerich
It starts with an Indian geologist, Dr. Satnam Tsurutami [Jimy Mistry] alerting American geologist Dr. Adrian Helmsley [Chiwetal Ejiofor] of rising temperatures in the world’s deepest copper mine [handily already mined out]. This is tied into abnormally strong sun flares and sufficient neutrinos that they have a mutating effect… Well, you get the idea. Scientific technospeak sets up Helmsley’s warning to Carl Anheuser [Oliver Platt], an influential member of U.S. President Thomas Wilson’s [Danny Glover] team. Before you know it, the heads of the most powerful heads of state in the world have come to an agreement to find a way to ensure human survival after the apocalypse to come.
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I’m going to let you in on a little secret. I love prehistoric man movies. One Million Years B.C. [Raquel Welch], Quest for Fire [Rae Dawn Chong] and even Caveman [Barbara Bach] – I loved them all. So, it is with great regret that I have to tell you that 10,000 B.C. is quite possibly the worst film Roland Emmerich has ever made [and that, my friends, is saying something!].
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