Every time I review a horror film, I start off by saying how much I hate the genre, that I don’t get the fascination people have then I go on to say how much I was surprised by how much I enjoyed the cheesiness of – insert film name here. So maybe it’s time I admit that yeah, I kind of like the genre. There’s something pure about it, these films aren’t trying to break conventions, or be original or creative, as a general rule a good horror film knows what it wants to be, adheres to the rules and delivers exactly what you would expect from whatever franchise you happen to be watching. In this case we’re talking about the brand new remake of Friday the 13th. Before the screening I got into this conversation with a woman about how religion is treated in films and I’m sitting there thinking to myself a) I hate talking about religion, go away and b) why are you here, if you are so offended by how religion is treated in films? I told her she was at the wrong film then, no response. So to gracefully exit the conversation I whipped out my Kindle and started to read. Subject change accomplished. There’s a point to this meander, which I failed the make to this women – horror films punish all the sinners. Only virginal, non-drinking, non-cussing, non-taking the lord’s name in vain girl survives.
This new remake is a Michael Bay production (Producer) so at the very least I wasn’t surprised by the overly good production values of the movie. It, weirdly, both detracted from the horror experience and enhanced it by making everything seem so “realistic” looking. This is because a large portion of the film took place during the day, so the grass was green and fresh, when Jared Padalecki (Clay Miller) was riding his motorcycle through the corn fields I was thinking, “why am I seeing decent looking corn fields in a Friday the 13th movie?” One question this film finally answered was, why the heck people continue to come to Crystal Lake. It’s for it’s overabundance of awesome weed. The place is flowing with it, only problem is, you touch Jason’s stash and that’s your ass. So I think this movie is a message movie – stay away from hash and it can finally be said, put a black person in a horror film and they’ll act just as dumb as white people.
One of the great things about reviewing Horror films like Friday the 13th is, I really don’t have to pay attention to character names or know who any of these no name actors are because we know their only purpose is to do stupid stuff, get high, go wonder off into the woods alone, or go upstairs when they hear a sound, and then get cut up real good or funny. The only two people in this film that I know is the guy from Veronica Mars – playing the exact same obnoxious, frat boy character, only this time we get to see him get what’s coming to him and of course EM Favorite, Supernatural star Jared Padalecki (Clay Miller). Jared isn’t bad is this, it’s basically Sam Winchester in a Friday the 13th film (take the hint you Fanfiction writers, obvious crossover here). He comes to Crystal Lake looking for his sister who has been missing for a month. Everyone is indifferent or don’t care that his sister is missing, even the local police. This movie answers another question I’ve always had about this series (I’ve only seen three 13th films), which is why no one ever comes to investigate. I mean Jason must have killed hundreds of people up at the lake, yet no one comes to see what happened to their loved ones, the police never show up, etc. So I appreciated the writers (2 Writers, Damian Shannon, Mark Swift and a separate guy, Victor Miller who actually gets “Character” credit) trying to make this movie somewhat “logical,” as “logical” as a Friday the 13th film can be.
Jason has also been re-imagined, he’s no longer this supernatural mysterious killer. They’ve somehow humanized him by having him kill during the day and we actually see him running and chasing after people. It was weird, on the one hand it takes you out of the film, but its also scarier because he comes across as more real. At one point he even uses a bow and arrow and he chases after someone before throwing an Ax at their back. The old Jason would never run, just sort of pop up. The kills in this outing were not inventive or even funny. They were quite pedestrian. When I was in Junior High, I was a Freddy fan because at least he had personality. But found Jason more scary. Just watching the commercials would give me nightmares for days, it wasn’t until a few years ago when I saw my first 13th movie that I realized how stupid they were and got over my Jason phobia. There is a great, hysterical, moment when Jared, literally, screams like a girl. Almost worth the price of admission.
As far as re-imaginings go, this was a good relaunch of the franchise. Fans of the series won’t be disappointed, if you don’t like horror or Jason then this movie isn’t going to change your opinion. It knows it’s audience and plays to it.
Final Grade B
EM Review by
Michelle Alexandria
Originally posted 2.13.09