All posts by Kristen

Kate and Tom

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Open diaries

I don’t know how many of you guys have caught these “new” trend of posting in xanga or other onlie diary sources. I was just kind of wandering how you guys all feel about them. Personally I like them for keeping up to date with people who don’t live near you, but otherwise no. To me, they lead to trouble. People find out too much and such…

Cownomics

Cownomics
This is how the world works. Explained using cows.

DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have down sized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don’t know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts.
Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can’t figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best looking cow.

CALIFORNIAN
You have a cow and a bull.
The bull is depressed.
It has spent its life living a lie.
It goes away for two weeks.
It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation.
You now have two cows.
One makes milk; the other doesn’t.
You try to sell the transgender cow.
Its lawyer sues you for discrimination.
You lose in court.
You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages.
You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow.
You change your business to beef. PETA pickets your farm.
Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway.
Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help “working cows”.
Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7 of your farm “for the children”.
Gray Davis signs a law giving your farm to Mexico.
The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats.
You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations.
The cow starves to death.
The L.A. Times’ analysis shows your business failure is Bush’s fault.

harry Potter

Saw the midnight showing of this on Thur, but my interent has been acting up so i haven’t been able to post. Anyways, this on is so much better the previous two. Sure the kids still arent the greats actors and all the boys are starting to have growth spirts except for harry, but still better. I think we owe the new director something whose other major work was a mexican film involving a thresome…….But the cinematogrophy is so much better and so is the setting. Anyways, see this one and it might erase the memory of the previous two….Oh and if u haven’t read to books u may be slightly confused

Grade A-

Prince and Me

I saw this on one on saturday. It is a lot better than i thought it would be. It is very cute and they do a good job making it not follow the tradtitional pattern of movies.. But they claim the end is a “suprise”…I didn’t think it was but you might. One thing, it was hard to get over the fact that they got engaged very quickly after they started dating

Grade B+

The Da Vinci Code

I had a chance to read this book over my spring break and it is absloutly supurb. I have alwas seen in B&N and thought it looked intreging. Anyone out there sho hasn’t read it yet needs to. It will make you never look at bunny ears in pictures the same….

Sex and the City

The show ended and i don’t see any comment on it. I don’t know how many other fans there are on this site. I know that i was a loyal fan especially since i don’t get hbo in the dorms so i had to bribe my mom to record it and send me episodes from time to time. What does everyone think of the ending? I really wished they wouldn’t ahve gave big a first name. Especailly on so genaric. Also, did you guys here their is suppose to be a movie? Thats all for now

Ella Enchanted

I do not know how many of you guys have read the book, but the previews do not look like the book at all. It looks like it will dissapoint and they casted Anne Halfaway in it. You would think that she wouldn’t do to child book to novel books soo close. She is going to cast into only that mold. And I dont like her that much….personal thing….

k

Sorry guys that i’m not around as much but i have seen maybe three movies since the year started. It helps that i didn’t have a car until a few weeks ago so I could really make it to the theatres, but there are a lot of good movies coming out and I am going to make an effort. Anyways, i saw this movie tonight and i like it, would have like it better with some caffine. It was good it is just i have gotten use to the comedys and blow up movies where thier is more action. See this one, just not tired

Google

I was watching CNBC, and i saw something pretty funny. Go to the Google search site and type in French Military victories, and then click on the first item on the list. Also, although this might not amuse all of you, type in Miserable Failure, and see what pops up…