I can’t let Fox have all the fun.
You might be a child of the 80’s if…
This timeline appropriately describes actual events in your life:
STAR WARS opens, you are still in the single digit years, and you think the creatures are WAY cool.
EMPIRE STRIKES BACK opens, you are now in early double digit years, and you are convinced that the special effects are much better, the characters are cool, and you want one of every collectible out there.
RETURN OF THE JEDI hits the theaters…you are now a teenager, and you cannot get your eyes off Princess Leia’s breasts or Han Solo’s butt. You fantasize about it, and send off to join every fan club for them on the planet, hanging posters, photos, and “teen”-type magazine spreads all over your walls and lockers at school.
the phrase “going courting” means fighting an unjust traffic ticket or playing tennis
you know, by heart, the words to any “Weird” Al Yankovic song
songs by Debbie Gibson still haunt you to this day (so true)
3 words: “Atari” “IntelliVision” and “Coleco”. Sound familiar?
you remember “Friday Night Videos” before the days of MTV
while in high school, you and all your friends discussed elaborate plans to get together again at the end of the century and play “1999” by Prince over and over again
you remember when music that was labeled “alternative” really was
you, yes you, sat down and memorized the entire lyric sheet to “It’s the end of the world as we know it”
you can’t remember when the word “networking” didn’t have a computer connotation to it as well
you took family trips BEFORE the invention of the mini-van. You rode in the back of the station wagon and you faced the cars behind you.
(I remember my family’s brown station wagon)
you knew all the words to Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire”, but it really didn’t hold any meaning for you until about the third verse
you’ve ever conversationally used the phrase “Jane, you ignorant slut”
you watched HR Puffenstuff as a child, but now that you’re older, you really understand that it would have been much better had you known about drugs at the time
you’ve recently horrified yourself by using any one of the following phrases:
– “When I was younger”
– “When I was your age”
– “You know, back when…”
– “Because I SAID so, that’s why”
– “What the HELL is this noise on the radio?”
– “Just can’t (fill in the blank) like I used to”
you can’t remember a time when “going out for coffee” DIDN’T involve 49,000 selections to choose from
Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you actually learned the English language
Kids that work in restaurants and supermarkets are starting to piss you off by calling you “sir” or “ma’am”
(those words make me cringe)
you’re starting to view getting carded to buy alcohol as a GOOD thing, and you’re ready to marry the next person who cards you when you want to buy cigarettes.
you ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a Duran Duran, Madonna, or Cyndi Lauper video
(I never did, but I knew plenty who did – it was all quite sad)
there were at least three people in your school that voluntarily went by the names of “Skip” “Buffy” “Muffy” or “Dexter”
the phrase “Where’s the beef?” still doubles you over with laughter
you freaked out when you found that you now fall into the “26 – 50” age category on most questionnaires
your hair, at some point in time in the 80’s, became something which can only be described by the phrase “I was experimenting”
you’re doing absolutely nothing with anything pertaining to your major degree
you’re starting to get that “why aren’t you married yet” shpiel, not just from parents, but now from friends that are married
(I get it from my parents, brothers and friends)
you’ve recently horrified yourself by groaning as you get out of bed, not because of a hangover, but because it genuinely just hurt to do so
you’re finding that you just don’t understand more than half the lingo used on MTV any more
you ever wanted to be gagged with a spoon
you ever used the phrase “kiss mah grits” in conversation
you had ringside seats for Luke and Laura’s wedding (on General Hospital)
you know who shot J.R.
this rings a bell: “and my name, is Charlie. They work for me.”
You remember when Madonna was just hitting the scene.
You remember the original version of Windows: Macintosh.
You thought “Weird Science” was a masterpiece.
You remember any or all of the following: Echo & the Bunnymen, Cutting Crew, Scritti Politti, or Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark.
Chevy Chase was really funny in those vacation movies.
You actually know who Rick Springfield is
You remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever possibly get better special effects than those in the movie TRON.
(boy were they wrong)
You remember when there was only “G, PG and R”, none of this PG-13 crap.
Yes, I am a child of the 80’s. Who else here is?