It is over. You say nothing is over until we say it is over? Well, one of the worst movie franchises in history is finally over! The long national nightmare ends not with a bang or a thud but with one of the biggest FUs in Cinematic history. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 can almost be admired for telling people – “You know what, we’ve made our money off you clowns and we just don’t care anymore.” The issue with this movie is what it has always been – the two lead characters are completely selfish, self involved, depressed – even though they are supposed to be “happy”, and as horrible in death as they are in life. (Warning MAJOR Spoiler in the last sentence of this review!)
EMO is a term that I’ve been throwing around a lot in reviews lately, but really, it was invented to describe Bella Cullen (Kristen Stewart) and Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson). For a Vampire he has to be the most boring person in the history of the world. What does he do? Or any of the Cullen Clan? What are their hopes and goals, other than to be left alone to live their boring existence? How do they have so much money when the only one who works is Carlisle (Peter Facinelli).
The Cullen Clan have always been the most interesting aspect of this series and I would not mind seeing a movie that is based solely on them the movies were always good when Bella and Edward weren’t on camera. The problem with the final installment is it is all about the gruesome twosome. They are in almost every scene. Frankly I never understood their love for each other. There was never a legitimate reason or basis for them to be together – other than Edward couldn’t read her mind and she was always in ‘danger’.
This is not a basis for any long term relationship. In this entire series there were very few moments where you saw them just hang and converse like a normal couple would. Their conversations always consisted of “I want to keep you safe Bella,” “No Edward, you don’t have to protect me.”
Is it possible to be an annoying Mary Sue character when that is what the original author intended? This movie isn’t a movie it is wretched fanfiction come to life. Bella becomes perfect. We know this because almost every character in the movie mentions and admires how perfect and amazing Bella is. Ooh, look at her jump all around. Look at her be the fastest one there is. Hey, there’s Bella beating Emmett (Kellan Lutz) in a Arm wrestling competition, she’s the strongest one in the house. “Wow, Bella, I really admire your self control!” Wow, Bella your special gift is even better than mine. Wow, Bella your child really is perfect. Watch Bella beat the crap out of creepy Jacob (Taylor Lautner) – one of the rare times you actually saw a genuine smile from Edward.
Speaking of Jacob, he went from being a stalker to a pseudo, weird pedophile in a very short span. Sure it is ok that Jacob involuntarily imprinted on the Cullen’s new born baby Renesmee (Mackenzie Foy) because his love for the baby is a special kind of love – you know, the love of the creepy Uncle nobody likes. He basically lives at the house now and watches Renesmee’s every move. Lots of shots of him staring longingly at Renesme – a five or six year old girl! Eventually the Ick reflex goes away and just when you think hey Jacobs love Renesmee is a platonic thing the movie provides a glimpse of the future and its as creepy as we originally thought. There is also a weird time jump, did Renesmee grow up over night or did years pass? The movie never makes this clear.
There actually is a small plot in the midst of the hey lets watch Bella and Edward moon over each other and marvel at their reflected greatness show. You see apparently siring a Vamp child is a big no no in their world and it raises the ire of the super vamp congress. They set out to destroy the Cullen clan. The Cullens prepare for war by bringing in all of the friends to bear witness to the fact that Renesmee was born and not created.
We are introduced to all of these new Vampires who should have been introduced earlier in the series ( Or maybe they were and I slept through it) – why should we care about them now? Which says more about their lack of memorability than my not paying attention. The head of the Vamp council Aro (Michael Sheen) is just ridiculously over the top and borderline offensive. I thought Hollywood got past this prancing gay stereotype? Why is this back in vogue? We had it in Skyfall and now here. Just ridiculous.
Just when I thought the movie couldn’t sink lower, business started to pick up. The epic battle at the end, while filled with horrible CGI and poor choreography still packed quite a wallop and made the entire ordeal of sitting through this movie worthwhile. There were genuine shocking and surprising moments where you couldn’t help but gasp. Or go, wow that is pretty awesome. There is finally some real weight to this thing. The audience was screaming at every shocking moment.
Everyone was into it, the theater came alive and then the writers said Fuck You. This battle, even though it takes up a good 20 minutes and the entire movie builds up to it, actually didn’t happen. What a real crummy way to end the series.
Final Grade F