Ok, before I start my rambling, incoherent review of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, let’s start with a PSA Announcement. (In my Voiceover voice) Parents, if you don’t know how to control your kids in public, KEEP THEM AT HOME!! God, one of these days, I’m going to get into fisticuffs with these bad, annoying movie goers. But there’s nothing worse than a Parent who won’t control their freaking kids. I swear there was this kid who was talking at the top of his lungs through the ENTIRE movie. It was driving me mad.
One woman got up and left in the beginning of the movie saying “I can’t take this anymore” and yelled at the woman learn to control your kid. Then about a 1 1/2 in, I snapped and yelled at the woman to keep her Kid quiet. Her response almost sent me over the edge, what was it you kind readers ask? “I already asked him to be quiet. He’s 4 years old, what do you expect me to do?” What kind of response could I have to that? It’s called freaking DISCIPLINE! Take the brat out of the theater! Go home! Of course I didn’t say these things, but I desperately wanted to. At first she threatened to take the kid out of the theater and he was like, “No, no… I want to stay.” So of course she did NOTHING, I HATE parents who refuse to control their devil spawn in public. I think we act as enablers for these bad parents, because we are all too scared to say anything. If more people speak up, maybe, in my dream world these parents would get the message that people will no longer put up with these monsters.
This could be a testament to how much I was determined to sit through Director Michael Bay’s latest explosion filled summer blockbuster, Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. I’m not even sure why, I felt so spiteful that for once I refused to be run out of a theater by an irresponsible parent and her devil spawn. But this was the movie I decided to make my stand, raise my fist and said, NO, I will not be cowed. I will not run out of the theater, angry and frustrated. I will sit in my seat and stew in my juices. Steam was coming out of my ears.
Ok, so I’m sure you are tired of my rant by now and are asking what about the movie you spastic Tard!? I don’t know, I liked it, thought it got better as it went along, but the first act was about the worst thing that I’ve ever seen it was horrible. Especially the really ridiculous prologue, however, I thought Bay did a good job with the more human elements of the film. Yes it was cliche’d, but I really liked the dynamic between all the humans, Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) his girlfriend Mikaela Banes (Megan Fox) and his new college roommate Leo (Ramon Rodriguez). Loved the relationship the Marines had with their Autobot comrades. The movie falls apart because of the Transformers themselves. Namely, these two “twin” Robots that were about as “racially” insensitive (I’m being kind here) as you can get without having two white guys dress in black face and pretend to be hip-hop. It was just horrible and incredibly offensive.
This movie is all about the Robot fights and big explosions. Bay of course blows things up like no other and his pyrotechnic love is on full display as he blows up stuff, just to do it. I love that he actually takes all the battles seriously and that people actually die when ships get blown up and sunk, that soldiers against giant robots, the soldiers are going to lose. So other than the hideous twin Robots, the tone of the film felt just about right. I still didn’t like any of the Robot fights. It was hard to tell what was going on, who was an Autobot or Decepticon, therefore other than a couple of key moments it was difficult to root for anyone.
I hated the first movie, so I had no hope that I would like this, the horrible first act and talking kid made this a struggle to sit through. But a funny thing happened, the movie sucked me in and I ended up having a decent time despite the blatant racist robots (three words I’d never thought I’d write), maybe it’s because I wasn’t able to pay full attention to the movie because of the damn kid who I know will grow into being a future spoiled asshat.
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Originally Posted 6.24.09