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TELEVISION: 4 Reasons American Idol Has been Destroyed

TELEVISION: 4 Reasons American Idol is Ruined
TELEVISION: 4 Reasons American Idol is Ruined

This season of Idol so far has sucked. None of these contestants would be in the top 13 in any other year. But this year the Judges are exerting more blatant control over the process than ever. I’ve come up with a list of why American Idol is terrible this season.

4) Kara DioGuardi

I like KD but she adds nothing to the show, yeah her comments are cogent and on point but it seems like this year there really hasn’t been any disagreement from any of the judges on anything this year. I would have liked to see what would have happened if there was a 2-2 split decision, but so far that hasn’t happened. The Producers hired her as a big FU to Paula so she serves as a check against Paula’s antics, only problem is sober Paula is just boring.

3) Contestants

Can we have a more generic batch of folks with mediocre talent this year?  I’ve said it before, but after spending 8 years scouring the country and auditioning millions of people maybe it’s time the producers of AI finally give up. There really is a finite amount of truly talented singers in this country and they all have probably already auditioned for Idol. There’s no way this year’s crop of talent would be in the Top 13 in any other year – well maybe the Sanjaya year. I can see how these folks have potential with the right producer and songs behind them, but standing up there “naked” they just don’t have it. Even the Adam guy. He’s a good showman but singer, no.

2) Houseband/Production Values

I don’t remember if it was this bad in other years, but this year the houseband has been terrible. The arrangements were all really weird, the background singers have been off key and the audio quality on the microphones seem off which further exposes the fact that most of these people really aren’t that good.

1) Judges taking Control

I firmly believe that Simon hated Taylor Hicks so much that he raised his fist to the air and screamed “Why, God, Why!??!” And then vowed, “Never again.” Personally, I loved Hicks the season he won. But every since then the Producers have become more proactive in trying to direct the show to get the results they want. Last season it was the blatent favortism and over the top praise for the matchups that they wanted. They clearly wanted Archuletta to be last year’s Idol and they went through great lengths – in terms of their commentary to make that happen. David Cooke actually really fought his way to victory because the Judges clearly didn’t start to like him until round 5 or 6.  This year beyond simply directing the voting with overenthusatic praise and viciously slamming the people they don’t like. They’ve become more braisen, starting with the call back round when they saved 3 people that the audience had already voted off which was bad enough. But then they changed the top 12 to top 13 to save Anoop who they really liked. And now they instituted this ridiculous Save card.  So now if the judges disagree with America, they can decide to save one contestant as long there’s total agreement amongst the judges – who haven’t disagreed on anything else so far this year. So I seriously doubt there will be a case where Paula will want to save someone but then everyone else will veto her.  This is total crap, it destroys the spirit of the show and proves the Producers ultimately don’t care what America thinks.  I for one don’t think I’ll be watching any more Idol the rest of this season. This year they keep changing the rules at the last minute to get the result they ultimately want. The ironic thing is, this year,  everyone is so mediocre and bland that’s it’s hard to tell who the judges actually want in the top 3 this year. Where in the past it was always pretty clear.

TELEVISION: IdolTwit Top 13

I originally wasn’t going to do it, but it’s Michael Jackson week on American Idol tonight, so this has the makings of good trainwreck television. I’ll most likely do another installment of IdolTwit, check it out tonight on my Twitter Feed at twitter.com/eclipsemagazine. The usual disclaimer’s apply – I don’t know any of these clowns so I’ll be butchering names, but hey since it’s Michael Jackson night I’ll probably at least get the song titles correct. And this will be a Twit of my DVR viewing, so I’ll probably fire it up at around 9:30ish EST. I just can’t bring myself to watching this show live.

Television: Michelle’s IdolTwit is Tonight

Hey Everyone, I wasn’t going to, but I can’t help myself, I’m going to do another IdolTwit tonight, probably start at around 9:30ish because I want to watch Reaper first. So come and check it out on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/eclipsemagazine . My usual disclaimers will apply to all my twitter postings, I will more than likely mispell all the names, get the songs wrong, etc.   Supernatural was classic last night. A live teddy blowing his brains out and screaming “Why?” is pure gold.  Two more days to the Burn Notice season finale.

TELEVISION REVIEW: American Idol Season Eight So Far… Ish.. Michelle’s Take

TELEVISION REVIEW: American Idol Season Eight So Far.... Ish.

TELEVISION REVIEW: American Idol Season Eight So Far.... Ish.

It’s official, being a critic requires you to be a closet masochist or is it sadist? I always get confused. Whatever the correct word is, I apparently love to punish myself by watching crap that I know is, um… Crap, that I really hate, but can’t seem to turn my eyes away from, especially if it’s free and as easy as sitting on my butt and shutting my brain down. I have tremendous will power when it comes to avoiding garbage movies because it requires a LOT of effort to actually go out to a screening or even see a film on opening day. Ok, not a LOT of effort, but it certainly costs money.   But that’s not the case with television, just turn it on, and it’s there in the background while you are doing something else. This is the secret of American Idol’s success. Returning for an 8th season with a brand new fourth judge, Kara DioGuardi who adds absolutely NOTHING to the proceedings. It seems like the Producers hired her as a big F.U. to everyone’s favorite drunk, Paula Abdul.

After 7 seasons and hundreds of thousands of auditions, maybe it’s time for the Producers and fans of American Idol to come to the conclusion, that just maybe, maybe, there really is a very limited pool of talented singers that can be found and Idol has just about reached that nexus. I mean the people that they have put through this season would never have gotten through in previous years.  There was the bikini girl from a few weeks ago, there’s the weird Spanish girl and the goofy guy with the hair this week, then the producers have some weird fetish for 16 year olds – girl or guy. And they always have. If you are between the age of 15 – 17, have some poise and can sing barely ok, you are almost guaranteed a spot.  I think this is the first season that I’ve actually watched past the 3rd episode, generally, I watch the first 2 episodes and then lose interest until they get down to the top 15. It’s hard to get attached to any of these no-talent, no-body, wannabes.  They spend way too much time on the bad singers, doing the lame profiles when you know they are going to end up blowing.  Then after spending an hour watching all of these dreck singers, we find out, oh by the way “20 people got tickets to Hollywood.”   Yes the bad singers are funny, in moderation, and this year the judges aren’t as cruel as they have been in the past.  So if they aren’t going to be cruel, what’s the point of making the audience suffer?   All four judges still come across as those annoying “hipster,” kids who think they are too cool for the room and are the gatekeepers to your entry into the cool kids table.

Again, this is when I say Kara adds nothing to the proceedings, other than Paula has been almost too quiet this year. It’s been primarily the Randy and Simon show. In the last installment Kara tried to show some personality and argue with Simon, but it seemed forced and scripted and there’s been no disagreements at all. There are four judges, so they never explained what would happen if it’s a split decision. Of course that hasn’t happened this season since all four seemed to agree on everything. I have no hope that this year’s Idol will be any good, at least talent wise, but it’s a free train wreck, and while I say I won’t watch again until they get down to the top 15. I am curious to see what exactly happens during Hollywood week.

Television: American Idol – Is it over yet?

Ok, I know, a few weeks ago I gave up on this show and these fun little recaps . But I’m a masochist. I have to watch the showdown of the no-talent Davids, I’ve come around on David Cook. But he comes across as a pompous ass, and I strongly dislike David A. It’s like a fight between Aliens and Predators, no matter who wins – we lose. But at least it’s not a 2 hr extravaganza! So I’ll give this about 20 minutes to hook me, otherwise I’m just going to watch the Blu-ray version of Unbreakable that’s sitting in my PS3. Who is up first – I’m guessing it’s David. Ha. Man, can this show get any worse or cheesier? This opening is making me want to turn this crap off right now. Thank god for Tivo! I wonder if the thought of watching this is what sent my man Kennedy (my favorite Senator) over the edge today? Another thing about Kennedy – he’s NOT FREAKING DEAD YET! Stop reporting like he is!

This season has been so pre-planned and packaged that it’s clear the judges will faun all over David A and stick the knife in David C.’s back, twist it and then watch as his blood opens up the LA hell mouth. David Cook is doing the easiest Karaoke song possible – I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For, hell, I get applause when I do this song at Karaoke bars, and I can’t sing worth a damn. And Cook is HORRIBLE. He’s out of key and his voice sounds as bad as mine (I lost it during Sunday’s Indy screening). I’m fast forwarding to the comments. He’s terrible. So the Judges pre-canned comments should be right on.


After all these weeks I’ve finally stumbled onto the secret of Idol success. You can suck as much as you want to, forget the lyrics to songs, as long as you close your 90 second tune out with a screechy, long, high scream. That wakes the judges up. Randy loved this crap, who cares what Paula says, Simon loved it. David A is doing another one of my favorite songs – Don’t Let The Sun Go Down on Me. Again he just bugs me. Technically it’s alright, but it’s just “rote,” and he has no passion. Randy loved it and boo hoo, David’s crying. I’m so sick of Simon and his “Round 1 goes to…” crap. How about letting the Audience decide you putz. But he is right. David A was clearly better – even though I forwarded 30 seconds in.

It’s time for Round 2 First it’s Cook’s ditty, didn’t catch the name. Rick Springfield songs were on my Shuffle today (like 5 times!) and the song Cook is singing sounds exactly like a Springfield tune. I think it’s called “Don’t Have Faith.” Would it kill Idol to put the title and artist of the songs these people are butchering on the screen?? It’s interesting seeing a Rocker in an Idol final. They’ve come close in the last few years, but they never made it to the final 2. Didn’t understand Randy’s comments. Simon hated it. I guarantee he’ll love whatever David A does. David A is doing a song called “In This Moment.” It’s boring and I’m going to skip to the fawning. “Ooh David, you’re Hot Man on fire,” “What talent, I just want to snuggle with you,” “Round 2 goes to David.” This is the first time I’ve actually seen David sing with some emotion and, um, well, it’s like, um…Good. Much better than Cook’s track. Judges do fawn, Simon does do his “round 2 bit.” God I hate his aw-shucks, I’m good, let’s cry. It’s irritating. God, I just intensely HATE this kid. A commercial for Narnia is on, and I really want to see that again.

I’m tired of this crappy Rocky theme. It’s time for the last song. David Cook is singing something called The World I know by Collective Soul. Weird choice, not sure if this is original or not. It’s too mellow and not the type of song you want to end a singing competition with. He’s not Prince in Purple Rain and David A isn’t Morris, “Damn he won this competition with a Ballad!” Cook looks like he’s resigned to the idea that he’s going to lose. I hate Paula and her damn standing ovations. Simon agrees with me and thought it was completely wrong choice and he made a retarded suggestion that Cook should have done Billy Jean again. If Cook did that the judges would have skewered him and put his head on a spick. While Simon’s comments are almost always right on point, the motivation behind them totally invalidates anything he says this season.

Amazing, Archie IS repeating a performance and doing Imagine again and he’s awful AGAIN. It’s a boring train wreck. These two are the best American Idol has to offer us? Who cares what the judges say, you know they love them. The Archie thing wouldn’t be so bad if the judges let the audience decide for themselves. But they beat us over the head with the over the moon praise and it started way the hell back during the top 24. He’s an artificial creation who didn’t get to the finals honestly. The judges ignored all of his previous flubs, when they tore into other people for forgetting lyrics, when he had off nights it was always “it’s an off night baby, but you’re still HOT and will go far.” This putz had already won Star Search and other singing competitions. So spare me the fake crying and the Howdy Doody, Eddie Haskell attitude. He cried during ALL THREE Judges rounds. COME ON! I can understand one – maybe, but crying after all THREE performances! With all that said he was miles better than David Cook who phoned it in – which I can’t blame him, he knew the fix was in, so why bother trying?

The first time I ever saw it Taylor Hicks was auditioning and I loved that season, last year was pretty horrible. I have to admit I think this year some interesting talent but the Judges ruined the idea that this was a fair show. I promise you this, I’m done with Idol. I’m going to do Hell’s Kitchen. I like watching Gordon Ramsey go psycho. One of these days, he or one of the students is going to pick up one of those butcher Knives…..

American Idol Butcher Rock Hall of Fame Night

After two weeks of no Idol for me, I’m ready to attempt to give you another rambling report. What the heck? I stop watching for two weeks and my dark horse Brooke White gets booted and Paula let’s it known that, yes, America there is no Santa Claus. Idol is basically fixed. And like lemmings, America is voting almost exactly the way Simon wants them to. I’ve lost almost all interest in Idol. So this could be the last Idol report of this crappy season you’ll get from me. I know many of you are going, thank god! Next season, I think I’d rather give you updates on Hell’s Kitchen. That Gordon Ramsey makes me laugh. Anyway, back to Idol.

David Cook has been on fire lately, but his version of Duran Duran’s Hungry Like a Wolf is horrid.  Once again he gets the rock star lighting, but he’s awful tonight. There’s no emotion or connection to the song. For the first time in weeks, I’m going to fast forward to the end of this train wreck. Of course the judges will love it because it’s part of their pre-packaged scripts. Randy came with it and agrees with me thought it was just Ok. Of course Paula loved it. God this year the judges have the same speech week after week. Simon said it was good and David will be around until next week. More of Simon directing the results.

Syesha is going to do Proud Mary. She’s the one I’d like to see win this. I don’t think she’s particularly good, but it be nice to see the judges not get what they want. She’s got the right attitude for the song. But her arrangement is terrible. She’s more focused on trying to be sexy and like Tina than actually singing the song. It’s awful.  Skipping ahead. Randy liked it a lot. Who cares what Paula says. I’m not sure if I trust Simon’s opinion anymore. But he called it a bad impersonation of Tina Turner and he’s right. I just question his motives for his comments now.

Jason Castro is doing I Shot The Sheriff. Which is an obvious choice for him. His vocal is, as usual, bland and boring as hell. But he does have the it factor. Randy called it a Karoke Bob Marley. And didn’t like it at all. Paula actually didn’t like it. Simon called it utterly atrocious. Said it was like a first round massacre. Randy and Simon were actually angry about the performance.

God I just hate this David A kid, and he’s doing Stand By Me. Once again he’s technically ok, but he just lacks the “It” factor and his performances are devoid of emotion. He’s like a robot. Of course the judges will love it. Don’t even care what they say about him at this point. Does Archie’s dad have some blackmail material on these judges.

David Cook is going to do Baba O’Reilly (?) by The Who for his second number. Never heard of this. It’s good, I think David’s future is going the Lifehouse path of doing power ballads and staying away from “rocking out.” He’s terrible at it. But, hey, wait a second, I know this song. I always thought it was called Teenage Wasteland. Randy liked this one. Paula is humbled to “Watch his Soul.”

Syesha is going to do one of my favorite songs A Change is Going To Come. Her opening is awesome. She’s nailing this. Has the passion and emotion that this song requires. But Idol sucks because they take these classics and then boil them down to 90 seconds which doesn’t give you enough time. But Syesha killed this. What the hell is Randy smoking, he hated it. Simon loved it. And she’s balling like a baby.

Jason is going to try Mr. Tambourine Man for his 2nd selection. He’s awful. Randy looks angry. Simon told him to pack his suitcase. I’m tired of Simon trying to dictate how the audience votes. But even with his obvious shilling, Simon is correct. Jason was awful tonight and was totally exposed. I wish the audience would shock everyone and vote Archie off instead. Archie is now butchering Elvis. Again, technically ok, but totally lacks any kind of passion or any understanding what the song means. Don’t care what the judges say.

Is Idol even worth watching anymore? We all know that the top 10 will all get their paydays and album contracts. So once you get to the top 5 it doesn’t matter who wins anymore.  I’m done and don’t think there will be anymore Idol reports from me. The Summer film season is heating up and these final contestants are just boring as heck. Especially since we all know it’s a forgone conclusion that Archie is going to win this thing.

X-Files: I Want To Believe is the official Title


Talk about anti-climatic and ho-hum. Chris Carter and company announced the name of the new X-Files Movie – “I Want To Believe.”  This title would be perfect if the focus was on the X-File’s convoluted mytharc, but this is a stand alone monster of the week film so it feels a little off to me. The second big-screen spinoff of the paranormal TV adventure will be called “The X-Files: I Want to Believe,” Chris Carter, the series’ creator and the movie’s director and co-writer, told The Associated Press. Distributor 20th Century Fox signed off on the title Wednesday. The title is a familiar phrase for fans of the series that starred David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson as FBI agents chasing after aliens and supernatural happenings. “I Want to Believe” was the slogan on a poster Duchovny’s UFO-obsessed agent Fox Mulder had hanging in the cluttered basement office where he and Anderson’s Dana Scully worked. “It’s a natural title,” Carter said in a telephone interview Tuesday during a break from editing the film. “It’s a story that involves the difficulties in mediating faith and science. `I Want to Believe.’ It really does suggest Mulder’s struggle with his faith.” “I Want to Believe” comes 10 years after the first film and six years after the finale of the series, whose opening credits for much of its nine-year run featured the catch-phrase “the truth is out there.”   I’m attending Friday night’s New York Comic Con Panel and have been in talks with Fox to get Chris on the Hot Seat, but it’s looking more like it’s going to happen sometime after this weekend’s show.

American Idol and Mariah Carey a match made in Hell


Ok it’s about 8:34, I’m going to let me DVR go for another 15 minutes before I start tonight’s train wreck that will be American Idol. It’s Mariah Carey night tonight and one of the truisms of Idol has always been, don’t do Mariah, Whitney or Celine. But tonight Mariah has fallen so low that she’s reduced to plastering on that half smile of hers and praise these people? “Oh, David has an amazing voice, I think he showed a lot of emotion.” Bleck. You’re Mariah Carey, why the heck are you debasing yourself to be on American’s Karaoke? Maybe tonight I’ll finally see what’s going on with the mystery side of her face. Luckily it’s only an hour installment tonight so I should be able to do this in about 30 minutes. Now I can go and play some Super Mario Galaxy, check out the new PS3 Store, watch Keith Olbermann or I can ramble for 15 minutes. What to do, what to do. That Olbermann is so funny…

It’s time for the show. Let’s see how much name dropping Randy will do tonight. I think Mariah is one of his peoples. Ah, they showed a clip of Randy playing with Mariah. He just said he’s looking for these people to be original and show who they are. Hello, McFly, they are doing someone else’s well known songs. Of course they are going to be compared and will fail. I still say it was pretty crappy of them to send someone home last week when the theme was charity and inspirational. But then, I guess that’s just me. Who will the first guinea pig be.

Continue reading American Idol and Mariah Carey a match made in Hell

American Idol – What an Inspiration, bleck…


Oh god, gag me. In honor of American Idol Gives Back (which I refuse to watch tomorrow/Wed night) it’s Inspirational song night. Tonight’s report was interrupted by another chapter of my favorite Harry Potter fan fiction being posted, so while it’s begging for me to read it, I’m going to slap this report together in the half-a fashion that you’ve come to expect from me. I’m really going to speed through this, because I really want to read the latest chapter of this story. It’s called Backwards With a Purpose if you want to check it out.

First up is Michael Johns, he’s doing a pretty decent version of Dream On. Let’s see if he attempts the note. The poor boy tries it. This is the first performance of his that I kind of liked. Randy and his damn pitch problems. Don’t care what Paula says, so I’ll skip right to Simon.  Simon thought it was good, but he thought Johns tried to impersonate a rock star. I actually agree with both Randy and Simon. It was a decent performance, nothing great.

Continue reading American Idol – What an Inspiration, bleck…

American Idol Does Country Night


Hey, it’s another week of America’s favorite Karaoke show.  It’s about 8:30 now, so I’ll give my DVR another 10 minutes before I start my weekly report. But I can tell you it’s Dolly Parton night so, it’ll be a miracle if I’ll make it through tonight’s installment.  But mercifully, it’s only an hour episode, so I should be able to speed through this in about 20 minutes.  While I wait, I’m going to take a Super Mario Galaxy break, I’m stuck on a level that is starting to frustrate me.

Ok, it’s now time to watch the show. First let me say, I just hate these star weeks, there’s something wrong when you have these major stars willing to sell their souls to be on Idol. Remember last year when one of them – I forget who said Sanjaya was a powerhouse? Ish.  So there’s no point in watching Dolly talk about how wonderful everyone is.

First up is my favorite Idol of this year’s crop – Brooke White. I don’t know any Dolly Parton songs, so I’m not even going to try and guess what this is. But as Randy would say Brooke is laying it down. Brooke is definitely the dark horse in this competition. She has a good – not great voice, but she’s been really smart in her song choices. She just has such a generic look and personality.  Randy thought it was ok, who cares what Paula says, and Simon hated it.

Continue reading American Idol Does Country Night