Lessons from the Ark

I loved this and thought I would share.

EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE, I LEARNED FROM NOAH’S ARK

One: Don’t miss the boat.

Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat.

Three: Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.

Four: Stay fit. When you’re 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.

Five: Don’t listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.

Six: Build your future on high ground.

Seven: For safety’s sake, travel in pairs.

Eight: Speed isn’t always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.

Nine: When you’re stressed, float a while.

Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs, the Titanic by professionals.

Eleven: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there’s always a rainbow waiting.

The Sweetest Thing

The Internet Movie Database, a Bible for movie lovers, tells us that “The Sweetest Thing” director Roger Kumble received a “thanks” credit on the Farrelly Brothers’ groundbreaking gross-out comedy “There’s Something About Mary.” Had I known that, I would have been less surprised by the falsely marketed film’s numerous trips into the toilet for its humor.

Maybe its because I was half expecting “Thing” to be that long-awaited Cameron Diaz vehicle that would propel her to a Julia level, or a Sandra plateau. After years of sharing the screen with the girls of “Charlie’s Angels” or Ms. Roberts herself (“My Best Friend’s Wedding”), Diaz appeared ready for the breakout. And that’s why I found myself so disappointed in this “Thing” on screen, as glory hole gags and oral sex jokes piled up faster than NASCAR racers on the second turn at Bristol.“Thing” could be described as screenwriter Nancy Pimental’s vulgar answer to “Swingers.” In a welcome twist, the film places its high-heeled shoe on the other foot, and casts strong, confident female leads in the role of wolves hunting unsuspecting sheep … uh, men.The leader of the pack is Christina (Cameron Diaz), a female “playah” with relationship issues who’s fiercely loyal to her best friends, Courtney (Christina Applegate) and Jane (Selma Blair). On the dance floor of a pulsating nightclub, Christina encounters the one man who seems impervious to her domineering ways (Thomas Jane), and his resistance to her alluring charms only spurs her on. With Courtney’s help, Christina plans to infiltrate a wedding she knows her mystery man is attending, so she can determine whether this guy’s “Mr. Right,” or “Mr. Right Now.”Pimental, best known for her hosting gig on Comedy Central’s “Win Ben Stein’s Money,” delivers a script that’s initially rife with girl talk and feminine charms. While largely giving women the upper hand, it also assumes (perhaps correctly) that women can be slobs, often swear like sailors, and dream of receiving oral pleasure while they gorge themselves on ice cream. It also strips its stars down to practically nothing for huge chunks of time and has them touch each other frequently. Remember, Feminists, one of your own kind wrote this one, so put those placards of protest away.Diaz and Applegate actually display a likeable chemistry on their road trip. The former literally bounces through scenes as if she were filled with helium, while the latter reminds us why she was a crucial element on a long-running sitcom. Selma Blair, playing the duo’s third wheel of a best friend, doesn’t get off so easily. While Diaz and Applegate take turns sharing the glamorous spotlight, Blair shags an imbecile in a mascots outfit and sings her way out of an oral dilemma. Girl, fire your agent. Immediately.Farrelly Brothers humor aimed squarely at the target teen demographic completely derails this train before long. You’ll laugh into your sleeve at its strongest material, feeling guilty the entire time. But thanks to its reliance on bodily fluid and immature, insulting sex jokes, “Thing” quickly becomes the most perverted, obnoxious and derogatory “guy flick” written by a girl I’ve ever seen.“Sweetest Thing” runs a scant 84 minutes yet still needs a movie-montage sequence, which is funny but still filler. Its abbreviated length just might be the sweetest thing of all.Grade: D+ THE EXTRASTwo versions of the film are available on DVD, an a rated and an unrated, though Columbia decided to send me the rated version and spare me what equals 3 minutes of additional footage. Remind me to thank them next time I have the chance.Instead, I plowed through two “”Making Of”” featurettes. The first, entitled “”Politically Erect,”” goes on to explain that while making “”Thing”” was anything but politically correct, it was a G-String full of dirty ole fun. Good for them! The dreadful “”Day in the Life of Nancy M. Pimental”” attempts to spoof the daily routines of a Hollywood writer. Honey, your movie wasn’t funny, and neither is this extended skit.The DVD does contain a screen-specific audio commentary with Kumble, Diaz and Applegate that’s breathlessly vapid, but light as the helium Cameron inhales. I kid you not.Grade: C-By Sean O’ConnellSept. 1, 2002

Detective and the Thief, Original Story..Prologue

The Detective and the Thief

An Original Story by Susan

Prologue

“This is the place,” the professor said, looking at the ruins of something that resembled a dome. “This, my students, is what we’ve been studying, what I dreamed about finding all these years.”

“Haven?” one of the students, a young woman of about eighteen years of age, asked.

Professor Nelson Filbert nodded. “The Inner City to be exact.” He looked around smiling. “Sara, we have found the Inner Land.” He looked out into the distance, then pointed. “Somewhere out there, in that direction, is the Outer Land.”

“I have always wanted to stand at the Vantage Point,” another student said. “You could see so many beautiful things from there.”

“Yes, Owen, I know. We will get there and you will have your chance.”

“Come, over here,” Professor Filbert continued. “Bridget, let’s have a look at the map, shall we?”

The four of them spread it open to reveal two islands that resembled fingers. One was longer than the other.

“This,” Nelson Filbert continued, spreading his hands over the two islands, “was Haven, the most powerful kingdom in the entire Northern Province. This is where we are standing now, the beautiful Dome of the Inner City, which was located in the Inner Land. Over on the left was the Outer Land where the Vantage Point was situated.”

“Originally,” Owen said, “there was no Dome of the Inner City.”

“Yes, Owen,” Professor Filbert said, “in the beginning it was all one world. It was known as Haven and it’s capital was Safe Haven. On the other side, what before it became the Outer Land, was the Vantage Point and Safe Harbor, two of the biggest and most beautiful attractions.”

“I suppose,” Sara asked. “It would have been lovely to see that.”

“Yes, Sara,” Nelson said, “I would have loved to have seen that also, but remember, this happened long ago, to be more exact, the end of the 22nd century.”

“Pollution was not yet under control as it is today. Harmful algae or red tide blooms occur at any time without warning. Certain factors are present, such as temperature, the amount of saline and nutrients. No one knew the exact combination, not until the genius of two scientists from Haven, Sandor Gristman and Alwin Underhill. They developed the technology to stop red tide and keep it under control.”
“So the Dome was built because of the red tide?” Owen asked.

“Yes, Owen, it was, that was the main reason. They became heroes and as a reward for a job well done, they married the twin daughters of the King Zacaria and Queen Matilda. But the two got carried away. Within a year, Sandor and Alwin were arguing with each other. Alwin wanted to leave the Inner City and the Inner Land altogether and venture over to the Outer Land. He was convinced that the red tide had disappeared and everything was fine on the outside. And so, he and number of men fled from the Inner Land and retreated to the Outer Land. Six months later, almost everyone became sick, including the King Alwin. “

“And that’s when Lord Fallon shows up?” Sara said, smiling. “I love this part.”

Yes, Sara, I am glad you enjoy this part of story, this is my favorite part as well. So, sit back and listen to the story one more time. Now that we have arrived, you might appreciate it much more.”

And so Professor Nelson Filbert began to tell his tale.

What would you change?

If you all had the chance to change something about yourself what would it be?

Hmm I would change my height and be atleast 5’6 I am only 5’2 and so I don’t like being short. And I would like to be as thin as Sandra Bullock not too thin but just alright.

And about my personality I would change how I procrastinate to do things. 😛

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