medical slips

What follows is a collection of items taken from actual medical interview records written by various paramedics, emergency room receptionists and the occasional doctor or two, all from major US hospitals.

The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
The skin was moist and dry.
Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.
She is numb from her toes down.
Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.
Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
Patient was alert and unresponsive.
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

Favs

Ok we have done lists of our top ten favs everythings but now that school is back in and everyone is busy or is just busy working time has become something of another world. Or rather leisure time atleast for me it has. So I wondered what are some of YOUR favorite passtimes and how do you relax?

Well, I mostly lock myself up in my room while the kids are watching a cartoon or something, listen to music and read or just lay still on my bed almost falling asleep but seconds later I hear,”MOM!!!!” Ay yay yay! I also write and read stories on the net and sometimes I play games and just plain surf the net. I watch the Food channel. love cooking shows and also romantic or fantasy movies or a good sci-fi show or movie. Mysteries are a favorite too. Well that’s me, now it’s your turn! 😀

STUART LITTLE ???

British detectives are investigating the mystery of a hamster found driving a toy racing car along a promenade at a northern seaside resort, newspapers said on Saturday. The hamster, nicknamed Speedy, was handed in by a member of the public who found him cruising through Cleveleys, near Blackpool in the modified toy, which he powered by a treadmill. “It is a model hotrod racing car with large wheels at the back and small ones at the front,” the Daily Express quoted Constable Quentin Allen as saying. “In the center is a typical hamster wheel you can buy at any pet shop… As the hamster went round and round it powered the car along at high speed.” Officers removed Speedy from the car after he made several escape attempts from their front desk, and they took him to a nearby animal sanctuary. Detectives are appealing for the owner to come forward.

more strange headlines

Man gets package mailed in 1945
Suspect tries to carjack vehicle filled with judo wrestlers
Fisherman rescued after he sank chest-deep into mud
Male factory workers dress work in skirts and work boots
Unholy act: arrests for alleged sexual activity in cathedral
Slowest police chase involves drunk on toddler toy
Paramedic involved in hit-and-run and rescue
Fan’s insults are legal, appeals court rules
Juror wants $100 an hour to serve
Lawyer calls foes ‘geekbreath,’ ‘punk’
McDonald’s manager involved in fast-food robberies
Firefighters rescue toddler trapped in toilet
Funeral worker discovers ‘corpse’ not really dead
Man foils apparent serial attacking squirrel
Crossdressing suspect couldn’t fool police
Officer’s name spells trouble
Redskins rookie taped to goal post
Inmate briefly escapes wearing only boxer shorts
Python believed to be dead wakes up at landfill
Man doesn’t realize he shot nail into his brain
Man curses city sewer system over mistreated totem pole
Couple vacations in wrong Sydney
Police dispatcher lectures 911 caller
Man charged with assaulting goat mayor
Heroin suspects keep alligators for protection
Woman fires shot at alleged trash-throwers
Cops follow trail of meat juice to stolen steak
Pizza dough spread out over 25 mile stretch
Plant exudes odor of garbage or rotting flesh
Forgetful robber leaves picture behind
Alabama removes dead from voter lists
Suspect strips to squeeze through 18-inch pipe
Pet python traps mother and daughter
Police bust 13-year-old Hustler rustler
Hypnotist Millionaire
Strip club opens to teens
America West pilot paid $122 bar tab hours before flight
Police solve mystery of cross-dressing Girl Scout
Police find thief locked in car
Floating body turns out to be a wake up call
Intruder breaks into home to use the facilities
Attorney spanks client
Man loses false teeth while skydiving
First kiss laced with meth
Judge gives homework to DUI offenders
Wisconsin outlaws profane language on phone
Foam fills aircraft hangar
Fiberglass cow stolen
SUV comes with surprise stash
Nevada fights to legalize marijuana
Cops: 911 caller demands cash, gets cuffs
Cops: Pizzeria offered pot pies
Woman faces jail for mailing soiled underthings

more stories

sorry guys, i’ve written the prologue of interlude 2, in the middle of writing the first chapter…modern ea story will follow..and i will be putting in the fanfiction section a new original time travel story that i thought of…probably see something up tonight

oh and i will be posting my other two stories in the ff section soon

An Odd Letter…

This is evidently a true story from one of the newspapers in the Gulf.

A family in Southern India was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from the Gulf . It was sent by one of the daughters. The dead body
was so tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it! When they opened the lid, they found a letter on top, which read as follows:

“Dear brothers and sisters,

I am sending our mother’s body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Andhra. Sorry, I
could not come along, as all of my paid leaves are consumed. You will find inside the coffin, under Amma’s body, 12 cans of cheese, 10 packets of chocolates and packets of Badam. Please divide these among all of you. On Amma’s feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. Also, there are 2 pairs of shoes for Radha’s and Lakshmi’s sons. Hope the sizes are correct.

Amma is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan and the others are for my nephews. Just distribute them among yourselves. The 2 new Jeans that Amma is wearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Rema wanted is on Amma’s left wrist. Shanta Aunty, Amma is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them. The 6 white cotton socks that Amma is wearing must be divided among my teenager nephews.

Please distribute all these uniformly and if anything more is required, please let me know quickly so that I can send them since Appa is also not keeping well these days.

Yours very sincerely….”

more strange but true facts

There are over 58 million dogs in the U.S!

Dogs and cats consume over $11 billion worth of pet food a year!

Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails!

You blink over 10,000,000 times a year!

Baby robins eat 14 feet of earthworms every day!

In England, in the 1880’s, “Pants” was considered a dirty word!

Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin!

The blesbok, a South African antelope, is almost the same color as grapejuice!

The average person laughs 13 times a day!

Dogs can hear sounds that you cant!

Men are 6 times more likely to be struck by lightning than women!

It is estimated that millions of trees in the world are accidentally planted by squirrels who bury nuts and then forget where they hid them!

Ernest Vincent Wright wrote a novel, “Gadsby”, which contains over 50,000 words — none of them with the letter E!

Of all the words in the English language, the word set has the most definitions!

A toothpick is the object most often choked on by Americans!

Every 45 seconds, a house catches on fire in the United States!

The sun is 330,330 times larger than the earth!

death to smoochy

package contains bloopers and outtakes (funny bits) and lots of what they call additional scenes

there’s an interactive ice show, behind the scenes photos, a behind the scenes documentary and something called smoochy’s summer vacation (didn’t have a chance to watch some of these)

the movie is great the second time around

entire package gets an a

Clones in IMAX

if you didn’t know this already..thought you might find it interesting..

CLONES Cloned for IMAX
Friday September 13 3:53 PM ET

Attack of the Clones to be digitally re-mastered to be played on IMAX screens.

By Liz Jeffries, FilmStew.com

Once the technology for converting films to the large, IMAX format was tested and mastered on Apollo 13, filmmakers wasted no time applying the process to other hits. Now the IMAX Corporation (NASDAQ: IMAX), 20th Century Fox and Lucasfilm Ltd. have announced that Star Wars: Episode II-Attack of the Clones will be coming to IMAX theatres in the United States and Canada this holiday season, beginning November 1, 2002.

Episode II, the most recent installment in the Star Wars saga, will be digitally re-mastered into the image and sound quality of The IMAX Experience, using the proprietary IMAX DMR (Digital Re-mastering) technology. Star Wars: Episode II Attack of the Clones – The IMAX Experience will be distributed by 20th Century Fox exclusively to IMAX theatres.

The difference in technology between this effort and Apollo 13 is that Episode II marks the first time IMAX has re-mastered a movie that was digitally captured and created. IMAX DMR sharpens and enhances the quality of images and soundtrack, transforming them into 15/70 format for presentation on the giant IMAX screen.

“We are thrilled to work with Lucasfilm and 20th Century Fox, as they share our vision to deliver the world’s best cinematic presentation. The combination of Lucasfilm’s innovative digital technology and the revolutionary, proprietary IMAX DMR technology will deliver the clear, crisp and sharp images and sound that IMAX theatre-goers have grown to expect,” said Richard L. Gelfond and Bradley J. Wechsler, co-chairmen and co-CEOs for IMAX Corporation. “Given its tremendous appeal, grand design, spectacular images and sound, this film will be great for IMAX theatres and will offer an amazing experience for IMAX movie-goers and the millions of Star Wars fans around the world.”

Do You Work in 2002…?

Hell, this one was scary….

You know you work in 2002, if:

1. You have 5 passwords, but can remember only one.

2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail your buddy who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.

6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business-like manner.

7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial “0”to get an outside line.

8. You’ve sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

9. Your company’s welcome sign is attached with Velcro.

10. Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.

11. You can only write on sticky pads.

12. Your biggest loss from a system crash was when you lost all of your best jokes.

13. Your supervisor doesn’t have the ability to do your job.

14. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.

15. Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries annual budgets combined.

16. Interviewees, despite not having relevant knowledge or experience, terminate the interview when told of the starting salary.

17. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.

18. Your supervisor gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all the latest features, but you have time to go for lunch while your computer boots up.

19. Being sick is defined as you can’t walk or you’re in hospital.

20. There’s no money in the budget for the five permanent staff your department desperately needs, but they can afford four full-time
management consultants advising your boss’s boss on strategy.

21. Your relatives and family describe your job as “works with computers.”

AND THE CLINCHERS ARE. . .

22. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.

23. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to all your “friends”.

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