Rosie O’Donnell Folds her Magazine

[size=large][color=660000][font=Arial]Who was reading this magazine anyway?![/font][/color][/size]

I’ve never seen anyone pick up this magazine when I’m in the stores. Not the grocery store, the book stores and not even at the library. But someone was reading this or it wouldn’t have lasted so long. Can someone tell me what was in her magazine? What was some of the topics?

Britney Jr. on Nick TV?????

Don”t we have enough with one Britney around and now we have her little sister trying to make it big. She is going to start on a show on Nick and I personally think that their mom really needs to get a career of her own instead of selling her children to the media to get rich!!!! When she gets older is she going to have fake boobies too?????

Unusual but Interesting Crimes

Here’s a few unusual crimes that I have just come across and thought it might be of interest:

The tale of an antique drug smuggler appeared in several publications, including for some reason the Paranormal News. 81 year old Stella Michetti
was arrested for trying to import 10,000 (well, 9,931) Ecstasy pills into the US. Accompanied by her 56 yr old boyfriend, the wheelchair-using granny was picked up in a routine x-ray scan of her luggage. Stella admitted trying to smuggle drugs, but claimed she thought she was just trying to
bring in some Viagra. Police are said to be “still investigating”

It’s not really news, but somehow the headline is just too good to ignore –
Police in Vancouver are reportedly looking for a wheelchair-using shoplifter, who stole 10 pairs of trousers and six leather jackets from a Gap store. He fled the scene in a stolen vehicle. Witnesses were described as confident he had no legs, presumably a fairly distinguishing characteristic. He was however sucessful in his getway, unlike the less-than-cunning shoplifter in Florida spotted lifting US$900 of goods. While running away from security guards just as fast as her little legs would take her, she spotted a car with a door open. And leapt inside, screaming “Help me, help me”. The two off-duty police officers – doing some Xmas shopping at the time – were of course happy to help.

Nikoleta Popesku and Gabriel Malinesku are not destined to find happiness in each others arms. The beautiful friendship that began with letters and
notes, progressed to phone calls, and finally a meeting. Unfortunately, Ms Popesku had told a bit of a porky and described herself as a slender 50 kg – the reality was about double that. Shocked by her duplicity, Mr Malinesku impulsively described her as a hippopotomus. Shocked by his bad manners, she has decided to sue him for compensation of “moral damage” (should that
be ‘morale damage’?). She has declared that beauty doesn’t mean external beauty only, and that she had thought her weight wouldn’t cause any problems in their relationship. Which doesn’t explain exactly why she fibbed about it.

One Austrian mother reportedly doesn’t quite understand the difference between ‘supportive’ and ‘insane’. She decided to help her two firefighter sons look like heros by helping them get to the scene of fires first. Not by driving them, or buying a house close to the station, instead she decided to light the fires herself. And then ring the boys. Apparently the sons became a bit suspicious after nine calls in one month. The woman apologised with this strange quote (maybe it sounded more rational in German): “I am of course very sorry for all the trouble I have caused.
After the first fire, the sound of the fire engines was music to my ears, knowing that my sons were out there helping to save their community.”

Bit of a laugh…

Maybe a bit crass, but was still laughable…at least I thought so..

In pharmacology, all drugs have a generic name:

Tylenol is acetaminophen, Aleve is naproxen, Amoxil is amoxicillin, Advil is Ibuprofen, and so on.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra, and announced that it has settled on mycoxafloppin. Also considered were mycoxafailin, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, mydixadud,dixafix, and of course, ibepokin.

oxford dictionary to include klingon and jedi

thought this was interesting…

Jedi and Klingons Invade Dictionary, Muggles Wait
Wed Sep 25,10:59 AM ET
By Peter Graff

LONDON (Reuters) – Science fiction’s “Jedi” warriors and “Klingon” bad guys have entered the newest edition of the Shorter Oxford English Dictionary, along with “asylum seekers,” “asymmetrical warfare” and “spin control.”

The first new edition in nearly a decade of the short version of the classic word bible will appear Thursday, with 3,500 new entries, from “ass-backwards” to “warp drive.”

Britain’s prime minister Tony Blair ( news – web sites) is immortalized with “Blairism,” “Blairite,” “New Labor,” “Old Labour” and the ill-fated construction project, the “Millennium Dome.”

New slang terms include “get real” and “badass.”

There are also 500 new quotations. Among the writers whose literary citations appear for the first time are best sellers Tom Clancy and Nick Hornby, Bridget Jones author Helen Fielding and, inevitably, Harry Potter ( news – web sites) creator J.K. Rowling ( news – web sites).

But although new words from science fiction films like Star Wars and Star Trek have made it, words coined for the Harry Potter books are still too new to appear.

“Generally, a word has to be used five times in five different places over five years, although something like ‘text messaging’ got in quicker because it became so widely used so quickly,” said spokeswoman Claire Turner.

Rowling gets credit for notable uses of old words, such as “beefy” — an adjective describing Harry’s awful uncle Vernon — and “stump,” as in: “Powdered root of what to an infusion of what? Harry glanced at Ron, who looked as stumped as he was.”

But “muggle” — Rowling’s made-up word for people who are not wizards — is still listed only as an early 20th century American slang term for a marijuana cigarette.

Bet you didn’t know that.

Funny…at least I thought so! ( May contain some offensive language)

I just got this in my e-mail…I thought it was pretty funny! I did not write it and I hope that the 3 curse words do not offend anyone, sorry if it does….

Are you aware of the discovery in the human
body of a nerve that connects the eyeball to
the a$$hole? It is called the anal optic nerve.

It is responsible for giving people a Sh##ty
outlook on life. If you don’t believe me, pull
a hair from your a$$ and see if it doesn’t bring
a tear to your eye. 😛

Unromantic Poetry

Not much coming in this week, but I thought this was a laugh…

These are couplets taken from the rhyme zone site where there’s this competition for writing the most romantic first line and most unromantic second..

Here are a few of the entries…

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
but I only slept with you, cause I was pissed …..

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head.

After you, my love, my only prize
Would be a bullet between my eyes

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you’re not

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don’t take that paper bag off of your face

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes-
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!

Every time I see your face
I wish I were in outer space

I saw your face as you walked by
But then I saw a better guy

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life

Beauty is on the inside, but some may doubt,
If it’s true, I’d prefer you inside out.

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime

I see your face when I am dreaming
That’s why I always wake up screaming

My love you take my breath away
What have you stepped in to smell this way

My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe “go to hell”.

Interlude 2 – The Revenge Chapter 3

Chapter 3

“Pitiful, pitiful,� Rene said, shaking his head at the two men standing before him. He pushed his chair back, got up and walked toward them. “You couldn’t even play your parts right. You were supposed to help me break out, not try to get me back in.�

He looked at the first ex Guardsmen, “What did you do with the jailer’s body, Paul? I assume that you killed him.�

“We threw him into the bottom of the river, milord,� Paul answered, “and yes, he is dead.�

“Did you make sure of it? He knows far too much about our plans and us. You know, this is why we had to get rid of him.� Rene looked from Paul to Albert, the second Guardsmen.

“Who would he tell, Rene?� Albert asked his cousin. “And what exactly did we discuss in front of him?�

“Everything,� Paul said. “Do you not realize that the man is a spy? He was working both sides of the coin, Albert. We don’t know how much he’s told the other side.�

“Whatever has happened in the past is now over,� Rene said, smiling.

“But someone will come looking for him,� Rodmilla said, walking forward. She had been standing in the back of the room all this time, listening. “And when they can’t find him, they will trace his body back to us.�

“Which is why we cannot stay here, my love. We have to leave as soon as possible.

“And where would we go?� Rodmilla asked.

Rene looked at her. “England, Spain, the Americas. There are endless possibilities.�

“I want revenge, Rene. I want Danielle and her family to taste a little of what was given to me. And I want to see it, Rene.�

“We might not have to leave at all,� Paul said, “and we might have a powerful bargaining tool at our fingertips.�

He sent Albert outside to fetch whatever prize they had collected. It had taken fifteen minutes, but Albert had returned, this time with another man, his hands tied together behind his back.

Rodmilla watched as Albert led him inside. “Jean?� she asked, touching his face, making sure he was real. “Jean de Ghent? Is that you?�

~~~~~~~~~~

The man broke the surface of the water where he had been thrown and left for dead. He had managed to free himself of his rope bonds. Still weak, he made his way to the shoreline. When he reached the beach, he sprawled on the sand, tired from his ordeal. He had to make his way back to the winter palace and quickly.

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