Signs

SIGNS

1. Over a gynaecologist’s office: “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”

2. On a plumber’s truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.”

3. On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”

4. Pizza shop slogan: “7 days without pizza makes one weak.”

5. Outside a muffler shop: “No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

6. In a veterinarian’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

7. Door of a plastic surgeon’s office: “We can help you pick your nose!”

8. On an electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”

9. In a non-smoking area: “If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”

10. On a maternity room door: “Push. Push. Push.”

11. At an optometrist’s office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

12. In the front yard of a funeral home: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

You Know You’re Trailer Trash When…

This is really taking the piss out of people, in fact downright mean… but a laugh anyway… 😉

You Know You’re Trailer Trash When…

1.—The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

2.—You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

3.—You’re been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4.—You think a woman who is “out-of-your-league” bowls on a different night.

5.—Jack Daniels makes your list of “most admired people.”

6.—You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

7.—Anyone in your family ever died right after saying: “Hey, watch this.”

8.—You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

9.—Your junior prom had a daycare.

10.—Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

11.—You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are: “Gentlemen, start your engines.”

12.—You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

13.—The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.

14.—You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

15.—One of your kids was born on a pool table.

16.—You need one more hole punched in your cards to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

17.—You can’t get married to your sweetheart because there’s a law against it.

18.—You think “loaded dishwasher” means your wife is drunk.

19.—Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

20.—Your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.

Behind enemy lines

hey have you all read/heard about this yet?

Lawsuit Flies “Behind Enemy Lines”
Tuesday August 20 9:00 PM ET

Admit it, you’d probably be suing mad, too, if you were played on screen by Owen Wilson.

Such is the case with Scott O’Grady, who is firing back at Behind Enemy Lines.

The straight-laced U.S Air Force pilot, who became a national hero in 1995 after he survived being shot down over war-torn Bosnia, is suing 20th Century Fox for producting the 2001 movie starring Wilson as a reckless, profane Navy pilot shot down over war torn-Bosnia.

O’Grady figures that Behind Enemy Lines was a thinly veiled, barely fictionalized account of his own travails. He claims the studio profited from his story without attempting to secure proper rights. And, perhaps worst of all, he alleges that Wilson’s depiction of the downed pilot damages the commercial value of O’Grady’s name and identity.

“Captain O’Grady was also troubled that the ‘hero’ in the Fox movie used foul language, was portrayed as a ‘hot dog’ type pilot, and disobeyed orders, unlike O’Grady,” grouses the complaint, filed in federal district court in Texarkana, Texas.

O’Grady, 36, who left the military earlier this year and is studying for a master’s degree in theology, is also going after the Discovery Channel, which produced a documentary about his ordeal titled Behind Enemy Lines: The Scott O’Grady Story. He alleges the cable network aired the program repeatedly from 1998 to 2001, backed by sponsorship from Fox as a way of promoting the movie.

O’Grady’s F-16 was hit by a missile when he was patrolling a NATO ( news – web sites) no-fly zone over Bosnia as part of the UN’s peacekeeping mission. He spent six days hiding from Serb forces, subsisting on leaves and ants, before being rescued by the U.S. Marines. He authored the best-selling book Return With Honor and also recounted the ordeal in the children’s book Basher Five-Two. He also makes the rounds on the motivational-speech circuit, using his adventure as his main riff.

“I was shot down, hunted, shot at–but that was the most positive experience of my life. There were three things that kept me going: faith, my family and my country,” O’Grady stated in a 1998 commencement address at West Virginia University.

Last year, O’Grady told Entertainment Tonight that he had seen Behind Enemy Lines, and “it’s not my story.” He stressed he didn’t collaborate with the filmmakers.

But reporters and reviewers, most of whom panned Behind Enemy Lines, made constant mention of the unrealistic rah-rah action flick’s apparent links to O’Grady’s real-life adventure–using such phrasing as “pretends to be,” “loosely based true adventure,” “inspired by the true story,” “based on the facts of,” etc.

While O’Grady didn’t cooperate, the military did, supplying the F/A Hornet flown by Wilson (whose character was named Lieutenant Chris Burnett) and the aircraft carrier USS Carl Vinson, commanded in the film by Gene Hackman. The military also allowed Fox to hold the film’s premiere on the USS Nimitz in San Diego and screened it for the troops at several other bases.

Rushed into theaters early to capitalize on the country’s post 9-11 military mood the R-rated movie opened in second place in November 2001 and grossed about $56 million theatrically. The video and DVD were released in April.

O’Grady’s lawsuit charges invasion of privacy through the misappropriation of his name, likeness and identity, false representation and false advertising, unjust enrichment and civil conspiracy and seeks all the movie and television show profits, triple damages, legal fees and “an additional amount the court considers just.”

The studio and the cable network, as well as their respective parent divisions, 20th Century Fox Film Corp. and Discovery Communications, have so far declined comment on the suit.

Tombstones….

These were taken off of actual tombstones… 😛

~ Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna

~ Sir John Strange
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange

~ Sacred to the memory of
my husband John Barnes
who died January 3, 1803
His comely young widow, aged 23, has
many qualifications of a good wife, and
yearns to be comforted.

~ Ann Mann
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767

~ Russell J. Larsen
Two things I love most,
good horses and beautiful women,
And when I die I hope they tan this old hide of mine
and make it into a ladies riding saddle,
So I can rest in peace
between the two things I love

~ In Memory of Beza Wood
Departed this life
Nov. 2, 1837
Aged 45 yrs.
Here lies one Wood
Enclosed in wood
One Wood
Within another.
The outer wood
Is very good:
We cannot praise
The other.

~ When the great judgement day arrives
and Joshua Fenton Newton does not emerge from this hole,
you will know that someone made a mistake
and buried me in the wrong hole.

~ To the Memory of Abraham Beaulieu
Born 15 September 1822
Accidentally shot 4th April 1844
As a mark of affection from his brother.

~ She lived with her husband fifty years
And died in the confident hope of a better life.

~ Here lies my wife:
Here let her lie!
Now she’s at rest
And so am I.

~ Here Lies Mary Smith
Silent At Last

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